MEANWHILE BACK IN BRIDGE CLUB BAR ROOM BIGOT EXTOLS HIS VIRTUES......

HEADLINES YOU ARE NEVER LIKELY TO SEE IN THE BIZARRE WORLD OF BRIDGE........( Article by Carp )

CHEATS TURN THEMSELVES IN AND HAND BACK ILLEGALLY WON TROPHIES

PROFESSIONAL RETURNS SPONSOR'S MONEY HAVING PLAYED SO POORLY

INCREASE IN PRIZE MONEY NOW ENABLES WINNERS TO RECOVER ENTRANCE FEES

NATIONAL SELECTORS PICK TEAM BASED PURELY ON MERIT AND ABILITY

WOMEN START TO OUT PERFORM MEN IN TOP CLASS COMPETITIONS

TOP FLIGHT PLAYERS REVERT BACK TO NATURAL BIDDING

COMMITTEES FULFILL THEIR OBLIGATIONS TO BE OPEN AND TRANSPARENT 

COMMITTEE MEMBER REFRAINS FROM VOTING AFTER DECLARING A CONFLICT
OF INTEREST

BRIDGE CLUBS DELUGED WITH APPLICATIONS FROM YOUNG PEOPLE DESPERATELY KEEN TO JOIN

ZERO TOLERANCE POLICIES ARE SCRAPPED IN A BOLD ATTEMPT TO RESTORE
LIFE , LAUGHTER AND EXCITEMENT BACK INTO THE GAME

NEWSFLASH : CHRISTMAS SALES SEE A SENSATIONAL NEW BRIDGE BOOK " WHAT I LOVE DOING WHEN I'M NOT PLAYING BRIDGE " BY ROBIN HOLMES REACH 4 MILLION COPIES WORLDWIDE..................

DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES :  BRIDGE PLAYERS AND SELF-DECEPTION

Bridge players are renown  for deceiving themselves. Indeed , this condition becomes more acute when they take up key roles on committee. 
Self-deception is a state resembling but distinguishable from that of ignorance or false belief. Every player I have ever come across falsely believes he/she is an expert at the game. But of much greater concern is that decisions made by committees are claimed , quite falsely , to be outcome of an open and fair democratic process : always correct and morally right. 
Sadly their self-deception consists of a motivational blindness to facts that are in some way or for some reason undesirable or unacceptable to the individuals concerned. For instance , when facts can be produced to establish to alternative argument or point of view , bridge players will choose not to see them or accept them , because they are motivated to endorse only those facts which support their chosen position.
Self-deception is a subject which fascinates philosophers as well as psycho-analysts.In an ideal world all viewpoints and decisions should be determined on the availability of correct information , plus that level of effort needed to establish all the relevant and crucial facts . However when self-deception locks in ,  significant facts are conveniently overlooked. Then of course there is the failure to raise relevant questions for fear of getting unacceptable answers.  
A classic example which illustrates collective self-deception by committee members involved the wrongful dismissal of a Reverend  from the church. The court held that there was a deliberate falsification of the hearing and of the evidence concerned. This view was supported by the fact that not one of 38 unsolicited letters of recommendation for the Reverend received by the panel from his former congregants was entered into the final report , or even referred to in discussions. This was simply because of their positive and glowing support for the Reverend and his ministry. Yet all 4 of the solicited letters against the Reverend , obtained during the proceedings, were reproduced in the report having been declared at face value as legitimate evidence.
All this self-deception can be psychologically explained as the unconscious distortion of the appreciation of a state of affairs to satisfy the individual's own motives. In practice self-deception quickly manifests itself into bad faith,  by which most opinions and decisions are predetermined , as opposed to being freely chosen by those with open minds , moral integrity and with no personal agendas or axes to grind.   

" DON'T CALL HIM STUPID " : THE WALNUT TREE ALLOTMENT SOCIETY BC DISCIPLINARY HEARING No.238

(  Within days of his last disciplinary , he was back in front of the disciplinary committee having foul-mouthed an opponent at the table. )

Chairman ( C ) : Did you or did you not call your opponent Arthur Brayne " stupid "
B-J : I certainly did....for I am a man who speaks the truth
C : That may be so....but in this club we do not insult opponents..... or direct foul and abusive language at them. Zero tolerance rules apply to all members....including you
B-J : Well ....the fool asked a rather inviting question as to what I thought of him as a person given my contempt for him as a player.......and being a man who believes in brevity I thought " stupid " completely summed him up in just one simple easy-to-understand word
C : But you can't do that.....it was an insult.....cruel and heartless
B-J : Excuse me....we know all that the truth hurts..... but stupid is what he is. In fact he should have treated it as a compliment because quite frankly he plays bridge like a moron .....never able to grasp even basic ideas or instructions
C : Really ? 
B-J : Yes really....you see being stupid is not having or showing an ability to absorb ideas readily. Moreover a stupid man is marked by his lack of intellectual acuity. Therefore , if these definitions were applied to him they would be compliments..... because the extent of his stupidity defies belief
C : Well.....even if that was the case.....  political correctness forbids the use of such a word which brutally portrays him a complete jackass 
B-J : Perhaps you're right.....it may have been better to describe old Arthur as " not the sharpest tool in the box "......or " having too much yardage between the goal posts ".....or better still " the wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead "
C : Exactly....because no way would Arthur understand what the hell these statements actually mean. And blissful ignorance would have resulted in no complaint being lodged against you
B-J : Ah well.....I must remember to do that the next time I sit down and play against this numpty
C : Sorry to say this......but there wont be a next time for a while.... that is until your 6 month suspension has been completed
B-J : Bugger... 
  

WALNUT TREE ALLOTMENT SOCIETY BC DISCIPLINARY HEARING No. 236........... 

(  Following a near-miss incident which happened when an irate Bigot-Johnson picked up a bridgemate and hurled it across a crowded room, the club committee ordered him to attend a disciplinary hearing. Many members believed Bigot was destined to be kicked out , but the great man rose to the challenge of defending himself with great success. The following exchange of words demonstrates the wonderful way a philosophical argument can triumph in the face of adversity ).

Chairman (C ) : What we witnessed the other day was an act of reckless disregard for the safety of others  . And we the committee consider this hurling of a bridgemate across a crowded room to be offensive and aggressive. One can only define it as an assault with a deadly weapon. 
B-J : That sir is an outrageous suggestion , and I shall prove to you that my actions were both innocent and harmless
C : Oh please enlighten us as to why you think you have done nothing wrong ?
B-J : Well , let's start with a irrefutable fact that.....when a bridgemate is at rest it occupies a space equal to its own dimensions
C : Yes....that's true
B-J : Moreover , when a bridge is at rest it is completely harmless and safe
C : I couldn't agree more
B-J : So do you accept that when a bridgemate is in flight , at any given moment in time it still occupies a space equal to its dimensions
C : Yes....that must also be true
B-J : Therefore , it is correct to say that throughout its whole flight the bridgemate occupies an infinite number spaces all equal to its dimensions...... and in each space it is of course at rest , making it harmless and safe
C : Yes....I suppose so
B-J : Therefore this argument proves the bridgement is forever at rest even in flight ,  being no danger or risk to anybody at any time
C : I have followed the logic of your argument and even though I am obliged to accept it as a valid defence to the charge made against you , I remain perplexed as to why I have come to this hideous conclusion .....one that seems utterly absurd and wrong
B-J : Well, that how it goes when a numpty like you falls victim to a philosophical paradox    
  

THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE BRIDGE CLUB'S NUMEROUS SUB-COMMITTEES

Chairman , Bigot-Johnson , has always been a great believer in forming specialist sub-committees to handle difficult and demanding tasks , which of course enables the main committee to focus on the broader policy issues. 
Over the years the club has created and developed well over 20 sub-committees , which have all proved indispensable in Bigot-Johnson's quest to run the place with absolute control and ruthless efficiency. The responsibilities and tasks carried out by these extremely important sub-committees are listed below:
1.   Inventing limp but plausible excuses
2.   Blame avoidance and transference
3.   Covert operations
4.   Investigations into members' alleged misconduct
5.   Theatrical productions and re-enactments
6.   Frame-ups and fit-ups
7.   Character assassinations 
8    Publication and dissemination of propaganda
9.    Contracts and indemnity clauses 
10.  Removal and disposal of incriminating evidence
11.  Knee-jerk reactions
12. AGM vote rigging  
13. Applications vetting and reviews
14. Internal surveillance and security
15. Preparation and storage of dossiers on members
16. Incognito ad hoc activities
17. Reckless spending projects
18. Fund raising for lawyers' fees
19. Reviewing oversights and cover ups
20. Circumventing club rules and regulations
21. Coordinating the work of sub-committees
22. Performance and appraisal ( of sub-committee members )
23. Ideas and development for new sub-committees
24. Slush fund budgeting



   

ANOTHER KEEP-THEM-IN-THE-DARK AGM BUT NOW ONE OR TWO CONCERNED MEMBERS ARE STARTING TO ASK SOME SEARCHING QUESTIONS.........

BOOK BRIDGE ON SALE OVER CHRISTMAS.......

• A Player Like That Is An Absolute Rarity.........................Penny Black
• Whenever I Win I Just Dance With Joy............................Lynn D. Hopper
• If Your Partner Has A Hearing Impediment.....................Belle O. Lauder
• My Damn Partner Never Makes An Honest Bid..............Fuller Sykes
• Believe Me That Man Has Left The Club For Good..........Egan Forshaw
• The Way I Choose To Show My Disapproval.....................Ed Shaker
• I'll Tell You Why Your Results Are Suffering ....................Troy N. Tuard 
• It's No Big Deal If You Don't Get Selected.......................Y. B. Bothard
• The Secret Behind My Success At Bridge......................I. P. Callotte
• We Need Someone To Help Us Fight Our Case.............Noah Loyer

BIGOT-JOHNSON'S GOLDEN RULE ON COMMITTEE RESIGNATIONS.....

Let's face it .....when you join a club committee it's only a matter of time before you get browned off , brassed off , cheesed off and pissed off with the way things are done , or perhaps not done. Whether you are put upon , picked upon or completely ignored , the realization that you this kind of work is not for you quickly sinks home. All too often you are sworn to secrecy , having to attend meetings behind closed doors , and made to fall in line with those who wield the power and the unforgiving axe. Why should humble committee members be treated like mushrooms forever kept in the dark and fed manure ?
So resignation is only your ticket back to sanity , especially if the thought of doing a full term sends shudders down your fragile spine. But what is important is how to show the extreme disappointment and anger you are currently feeling. You need to let the " them " know the true extent of your contempt and disapproval over the way you have been treated. 
So there is no need to write a letter explaining the reasons for your resignation. Make your point there and then as you exit the committee room in a demonstrative huff.  Indeed , there is no need to slope out like a scolded child or a timid mouse. No need to slam the door. One glorious gesture is enough. Therefore , the golden rule is to vent your spleen in the most dramatic and theatrical way you can , which of course can be best illustrated by the picture below. This is calculated to leave a lasting impression in my minds of those looking on , as well as providing the wider membership with a truly wonderful bit of gossip. 

DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES : ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER

The biggest and greatest irony of all time can be seen in the bizarre world of bridge. So many clubs proudly advertise bridge as the ultimate social experience , where men and women of all ages can come together to play the beautiful game in a quiet , relaxed and friendly environment. But the irony is of course that the demanding and competitive aspects of the game tend to attract people  who are either further along the autistic spectrum , or who have anti-social personality disorders.
Kurt Schneider , an eminent psychiatrist ,  was the first to broaden the concept of personality disorder to include antisocial behaviour. Looking at bridge clubs in particular , his studies found that APD was more common in men than in women , and the incidence of APD was far greater in such venues than anywhere else. The majority of the male players came across as geeks , oddballs , loners , social misfits and grumpy old men. What Kurt also observed was that in most sports men competed against men , but in bridge men were also obliged to compete against women as well. 
So given that APD is characterised by a callous lack of concern for the feeling of others, women of course with their sensitive nature and delicate dispositions were far more prone to being hurt and upset. Indeed , APD sufferers were seen to have a total disregard for the socials rules listed on documents relating to etiquette and best behaviour. Their irritable and aggressive behaviour could never be curbed. Lack of self-control meant bullying was commonplace , and their impulsive acts never showed any guilt or remorse towards those on the receiving end. Even more disconcerting was the fact this kind of nasty behaviour would be repeated week after week , with sufferers completely unable to learn from the experience. 
Even their own partners would be legitimate targets for their antisocial behaviour , as evidenced by the number of partners they would get through on a regular basis. 
However , victims afflicted with APD could when necessary appear to be nice , oozing superficial charm to play down any accusations which might come their way. Once the threat of reprimand or punishment disappears, relationships soon return to being fiery , turbulent and short-lived affairs.
Sadly , APD  is a clinically defined mental disorder which closely correlates with instances of petty crime. These misdemeanours within the world of bridge encompass such acts as cheating , physical assaults , harassment , graffiti , and criminal damage. So there we have it : a social game which unfortunately attracts and harbours anti-social types. The irony could not be more obvious.

NEWSFLASH : TOP LADY PLAYER GETS A NASTY
SURPRISE.......

" How could the team selectors do this to me.....pairing
me up again with that wretched Bigot-Johnson ! " 

BIGOT CONFESSES TO HAVING A RARE MEDICAL CONDITION .....

BIGOT SHOWS THE WORLD ON HOW COMMITTEES SHOULD BE RUN...... (  As evidenced by this secret recording of a recent committee meeting )

B-J ( Chairman ) :  I wish to put forward a motion........which is to raise funds by remortgaging the club house
Spokesman  ( for all the other committee members ) : We're all in complete agreement with you , my Fuhrer 
B-J : I wholeheartedly agree that you were right to support this motion
Spokesman : We agree that the chairman couldn't be more right about agreeing that we were right to support the motion
B-J : So let's now have a debate on the motion
New committee member : I don't mean to rock to boat , but I can't help but query why we need to debate the motion  , when it is perfectly clear that everyone is in agreement with the motion 
B-J : How dare you suggest that we forego the debate......such a suggestion warrants a severe reprimand.....and as a consequence , I certainly wish to put another motion to the committee ....which is to implement your immediate expulsion from this club .... and your ejection from this meeting
Spokesman : We too agree with this motion 
B-J : Motion carried then.......so can someone call in security to get this man removed forthwith from this building......thank you......and now let's move onto motion number 3....which states that in all future meetings only committee members , who agree without question any motion I care to introduce ,  will be allowed into the committee room
Spokesman : Yes , yes.....yes.....we all agree that motion too
B-J  : Well,  I take then motions 1 and 3 are also by carried by a unanimous majority
Spokesman : Indeed , my Fuhrer........indeed
B-J  : Shall we dispense with debating these two issues.......and have a liquid lunch instead
Spokesman: What a splendid idea......
      

DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES: THE BAH BAH COMPLEX

Victims of this complex are found in large numbers in bridge clubs across the world. Many of them through gentle cajoling are persuaded to help make up committee numbers to perform the role of obliging sheep.
This condition manifests itself by a growing lack of personal confidence , which in turn compels them to adopt the opinions and views of the group. This need to follow soon becomes the most important aspect of their personal behaviour , especially when surrounded by more controlling and  domineering club members. Indeed , the group's praise encourages the bah bah victim to reject their own opinions in favour of the group's. In short , this complex turns them into completely harmless sheep , willing to follow the leads and directions made by others.
This follow-my-leader merry-go-round completely runs the life of these woolly-headed sufferers , who become hostages to this debilitating affliction. Classic symptoms associated with this condition can be listed as follows:
- an inability to formulate their own position without the preliminary guidance and counselling
  of the group
- high estimation of the opinions held by the group leader , which initiates the depreciation of 
  their own opinions , irrespective of the fact they might even be of greater merit 
- high tendency to believe in the mantra recited by the group without ever questioning its
  content or meaning
- the abject desire to allow the influences of others to shape and direct their lives to an
  excessive almost dangerous degree
- an inability to cope with the group's indifference or condemnation towards themselves  

Sadly , this complex tends develop into a vicious circle. The more they lose their own personal identity by agreeing with everything others are saying ,  the more despised they become. This in turn compels them to seek favour and praise by choosing to go along with the majority view , but in doing so this subjects them to even more derision and ridicule. So by becoming the ultimate sheep-like individual , the risk of dramatic consequences  ( such as mental breakdowns ) heightens considerably. This bah bah complex can only be cured by relations moving towards mutual respect and esteem. However , the chances of this happening are nil because what sane person could ever respect a " yes " man , nodding dog ,  or  an eager-to-please sycophantic creep.