WALNUT TREE ALLOTMENT SOCIETY BC DISCIPLINARY HEARING No. 236...........
( Following a near-miss incident which happened when an irate Bigot-Johnson picked up a bridgemate and hurled it across a crowded room, the club committee ordered him to attend a disciplinary hearing. Many members believed Bigot was destined to be kicked out , but the great man rose to the challenge of defending himself with great success. The following exchange of words demonstrates the wonderful way a philosophical argument can triumph in the face of adversity ).
Chairman (C ) : What we witnessed the other day was an act of reckless disregard for the safety of others . And we the committee consider this hurling of a bridgemate across a crowded room to be offensive and aggressive. One can only define it as an assault with a deadly weapon.
B-J : That sir is an outrageous suggestion , and I shall prove to you that my actions were both innocent and harmless
C : Oh please enlighten us as to why you think you have done nothing wrong ?
B-J : Well , let's start with a irrefutable fact that.....when a bridgemate is at rest it occupies a space equal to its own dimensions
C : Yes....that's true
B-J : Moreover , when a bridge is at rest it is completely harmless and safe
C : I couldn't agree more
B-J : So do you accept that when a bridgemate is in flight , at any given moment in time it still occupies a space equal to its dimensions
C : Yes....that must also be true
B-J : Therefore , it is correct to say that throughout its whole flight the bridgemate occupies an infinite number spaces all equal to its dimensions...... and in each space it is of course at rest , making it harmless and safe
C : Yes....I suppose so
B-J : Therefore this argument proves the bridgement is forever at rest even in flight , being no danger or risk to anybody at any time
C : I have followed the logic of your argument and even though I am obliged to accept it as a valid defence to the charge made against you , I remain perplexed as to why I have come to this hideous conclusion .....one that seems utterly absurd and wrong
B-J : Well, that how it goes when a numpty like you falls victim to a philosophical paradox