NEWSFLASH : THE BENIGN BRIDGE CLUB ( USA ) CLAIM THAT THEIR NEW POLICING INITIATIVE HAS BEEN A RESOUNDING SUCCESS
Under the revamped terms of their sub-zero tolerance policy , uniformed bridge police have been introduced into the club to help the beleaguered directors sort out unruly , foul-mouthed , disrespectful members.
By patrolling the aisles during play , these enforcement officers have proceeded to crack down hard on any member guilty of even whispering an insult , derogatory remark or out-of-order comment at another person in the room. Without any hesitation the bridge police have frog-marched the culprits away from the playing area only to be given ultimatums : pay an on-the-spot £50 fine , or be unceremoniously chucked out of the club.
If an offender , who has already paid one fine, then foolishly repeats the error of his ways later on , the ultimatum now becomes " pay an on-the-spot £100 fine , or be ejected from the club out of a second floor window " .
Not surprisingly this bold new initiative has been a resounding success. Bridge at the club is currently being played in an atmosphere of total quietness , in which members now behave like pious monks , as though they have been sworn to vows of absolute silence. Moreover , the club has increased its weekly revenue by well over 700% . Indeed , many of the persistent loud-mouthed , nasty-minded reprobates have left the club unable to pay the ever-increasing fines. In one case a particularly gobby member had been ordered to pay £1600 for his sixth offence. So when he declined to do so , the bridge police had no qualms about slinging him off the roof of the building.
As a consequence of this initiative the club is looking into two more money-making initiatives, such as offering insurance for injuries incurred by those who have been slung out ( or off ) the building , along with specialist legal advice on wills.