EVERY BRIDGE CLUB HAS ONE .......UNFORTUNATELY....... ( Article by Carp )

Make no mistake there isn't a bridge in this world that isn't blighted by the presence of a smart alec. Infact in some clubs they are in the ascendency.

So for all those who need a reminder as to what a smart alec is, then dwell upon this definition : " someone who is self-assured to the point of impudence, offensively cocky ". Therefore it appears there should be no problem whatsoever in recognising them.

The full blown smart alec is indeed the proverbial " clever dick " . They are uncomfortable to be around. They are difficult to handle , stretching your patience and tolerance to the limit.

These players need to be dealt with before their problem really gets out of control, but this means spotting the early signs of a smart alec in the making..........and acting quickly ! So here are the 4 tell-tale signs of a budding smart alec, which should raise the alarm bells :

1. The Comedian. Some bridge players love to be the joker in the pack , seeking attention wherever they go. They will always be joking and full of comebacks. It may be acceptable to laugh with them if the jokes are appropriate and funny, but it is fatal to do the same if the jokes are in poor taste, or darn right insulting of others........which is usually the case.

2. The Copy Cat. Smart alecs in the making will strive to be like the resident role model within the club. Even though the role model ( usually male ) is the paragon of unwanted preaching, hypocrisy and bluster, he still tends to inspire his disciples to copy everything he does. Naturally, they become prone to making the same faux pas and mistakes as the grand master, but all this is deemed excusable in the quest to be witty and humorous. No matter what concerns you may express, the smart alec will resort to a well established evasive manouevre : turn everything into a joke.

3. The Smug Grin. The most obvious giveaway of a smart alec is that hideous grin on his puffed-up irritating face. The smug smile that comes when you go down in a contract by virtue of his inspired but flukey opening lead. Whenever things go their way at the table, the smug grin becomes unmistakable, and inevitably it is followed by a retort of some kind, designed to leave you speechless and looking foolish.

4. Bluntness. The smart alec bridge players all tend to develop a habit of being painfully blunt, but these hard hitting words will of course be dressed up as wisecracks or jokes. Therefore, under no circumstances whatsoever should this behaviour be encouraged, say for instance by asking them for an opinion on your choice of bid or line of play. Moreover, it is far better to hold your post mortems well away from them, as they have a tendency to butt into any conversations with their sarcastic insults and criticisms.

So if you see a player who is aspiring to become another smart alec, please remember he is not necessarily a bad person.......but certainly one who will give you a bad experience. So if you can't get him to change his ways, endeavour to avoid him at all costs.