BRIDGE CLUB DISCIPLINARY HEARING.... No.465

( Having volunteered to do a stand-by,  Bigot , to his great dismay , was forced to partner Priscilla Pantopod , the loathsome sister of Percy . Inept at bridge as she was at pulling men , Bigot soon lost his cool , bullying and haranguing her after each and every board. Eventually , concerned onlookers called over the TD , and Bigot was disciplined yet again for gross misconduct. At the hearing his big mouth then got him into even more trouble.......)

B-J : At this stage of the proceedings I would like to say that you ( pointing to the chairman ) remind me of a DICK -
C : How dare you....
B-J : - ENSIAN character from the novel David Copperfield
C : So please explain to this panel why you bullied poor Priscilla so mercilessly ?
B-J : As a bridge player she is bloody useless
C : Surely not...she's been playing bridge for well over 4O years
B-J : Take it from me.....the woman may have a huge ARSE -
C : My God...your vulgarity knows no bounds !
B-J : - ENAL of conventions listed on her system card , but she doesn't really understand any of them
C : Even if that is the case there was no need to crucify the woman in the way you did...
B- J : OK.....I have to admit that it was FUN -
C : May lightning strike you down......what sort of sadist are you ?
B-J : - DAMENTALLY wrong of me to go over the top..... but the woman 's stupidity would have tested the patience of Job himself 
C : I'm not standing for this.....you're behaviour was simply offensive , vicious , and cruel.....and there was no excuse for it.....so tell me what have you got to say now ?
B-J : I am GUILTY -
C : Of course you are...... you monster...
B-J : - OF ONLY giving way to my feelings. My spleen had to be vented . One cannot keep the lid on a pot boiling over with frustration , anger and despair. I am a victim of the human condition. 
C : I'm not listening to this clap-trap......our minds are already made up......we are going to inflict upon you severest punishments possible.... as permitted under our new disciplinary regulations 
B-J : Hold on there.....I may be QUEER -
C : That's an understatement ....
B- J : - YING the validity of these regulations..... given that the membership has yet to approve them......by a required two-thirds majority vote..... at the forthcoming AGM 
C :  Not so...... for we as a committee don't bother with such constitutional niceties........what I say as chairman goes...
B-J : Oh....in that case I must therefore stand up and acknowledge you as the top dog and grand MASTER-
C : Indeed , I am....
B-J : - BATER  of all time !
C : Steward....remove this foul mouthed individual from the premises.......and hang him from the nearest tree 
B-J : I haven't finished yet....
C : Well...we have....
B- J :  Bugger.....