THE FLYING BRIDGEMATE AWARDS........
( In celebration of the 2012 London Olympics , the Slaughter House Bridge Club staged its very own " Flying Bridgemate "  field events . Blessed with an abundance of home grown talent , the club nevertheless sent out invitations worldwide to get other players , renown for their remarkable and notorious " hurling " skills, to enter the competitions. The awards handed out were as follows .....)

Biggest Miss Award went to Kevin Karbunkle ( Ireland) , who on spinning around attempted to hurl the bridgemate with extreme force at his intended target ,  only to see the missile head off in the completely opposite direction
Miracle Hit Award went to Wanda Fillet (USA) , who waited till her target left the building , only to fire the missile from an upstairs window directly onto the back of his head , while he was bending down to get into his car.  The vehicle was positioned in an unlit area of the club's car park over 60 yards away.
Long Distance Award was won by Percy Thrower (Wales) , who hurled the bridgemate with such venom it smashed through a window , only to crash land 200 yards down the street at the foot of a kerbside telephone kiosk
High Impact Award was picked up by Dan Germain ( USA)  who , after having propelled the small but weighty scoring device at close range at his selected target , saw the man collapse to the floor with a completely shattered collar bone. Later charged by the police with attempted murder, he managed to escape a custodial sentence by claiming that he had no intention to injure anyone . " The damn thing just simply slipped out of my hand before I knew it .  "  
Artistic Impression Award went to Grace Ann Bewty ( Australia) , who was able to launch a bridgemate at quite considerable speed with just a gentle but extremely stylish flick of the wrist ,   catching out her victims completely unaware
Highest Score Award went to the Bigot-Johnson ( England ) who scored 192 short range hits out of 200 , with a very impressive strike rate of 96% . The man put down this remarkable achievement to the expert coaching provided by the infamous Neil Peck.
Golden Hand Award was won however by Ivor Armstrong ( USA ) , who in the middle distance category achieved a winning 75% strike rate hitting 15 of his 20 seated targets . 
Multiple Hit Award was picked up by the rather fortunate Rick O'Shay ( Ireland ), who on flinging his bridgemate in a pique of anger saw the missile stray into a crowd of spectators. The  missile then glanced off several heads in rapid succession , causing four fully grown adults to collapse to the floor  , and causing another to suffer from a broken nose.
Air Speed Award went to Buster Gutt (USA) , whose aerodynamically designed bridgemate achieved a world record of over 146 mph with no wind assistance. Three weeks later he repeated the same feat at a charity event , which set out to raise funds for victims seriously injured or maimed by these deadly missiles.
Pinpoint Accuracy Award was won by Wazi Spoton ( Nigeria ) who in the close range moving targets category would nominate the part of the body he intended to hit and then proceed to do so. Indeed , during his performance  an irritating fly got him so upset , that when it came to rest on a wall he took careful aim with his bridgemate. It goes without saying that he  achieved a crushing success , and the congratulations of all those looking on. 
Big Arc Award was handed out to Dudley Shott ( Canada ) , who successfully managed to propel his flying device well over the heads of those standing in a group nearby , only to score a direct hit on a distant target as the missile begin its sharp downwards descent. 
Synchronised Team Award  went of course to the Slaughter House Slingshots ( England ) who on several occasions picked on a moving target , launching their bridgemates at precisely the right time to ensure that a simultaneous strike took place. 
Collateral Damage Award was won by Lucy Ann Wilde ( South Africa ), who despite missing her targets still managed to clock up countless injuries to innocent bystanders, not to mention dozens of broken windows and huge chunks of plaster gouged from the walls. In a brief but frenzied 5 minute appearance damage to property reached an astounding £6,740.