Monday, 5 August 2013

COMMITTEE MATTERS AT THE SLAUGHTER BRIDGE CLUB...... ( a short extract from a taped transcript of a hush-hush, clandestine , behind-closed-doors , unreported meeting )

Secretary (S) : Bigot ....we just can't go on using the club grounds to dispose of ex-members. With so many of their friends and relatives asking lots of awkward questions about their sudden disappearance .....these freshly dug graves are a dead giveaway
B-J : Listen muppet head.....can you think of another effective way of getting rid of undesirable members........ without running the risk of being sued by them ?
S : The sad fact remains that we as a committee have dug ourselves a massive big hole. The club grounds resemble an over crowded cemetery. And the bottom line is this....we've no bloody funds left to make even the crudest of coffins.
B-J : How dare you.....I see these grounds as a permanent retirement park. In fact we should be marketing this bridge establishment as the most popular club in England , where  
people are dying to get in.....And as for these long wooden boxes you call coffins.....they are nothing more than compost containers
S : Is it not the case that we've got more members under the ground than above ?....Can't you see we've reached a dead end... in fact our only real option is to sell up and move to a larger site
B-J : Moving to a larger property would cost us a bomb.'s a seller's market....and the competition out there is stiff. For me the final solution is simple.........we need to dig deep and then we can stack'em up
S : I've heard enough....I want nothing more to do with you Bigot.....for us it's the end of're on your own because I'm soddin' off
B-J : Over my dead body you are..... because like it or not you're in this mess right up to your you and I need to bury the hatchet.... unless of course you want me to bury the damn thing in your skull

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