REVOLTING REVOKES..........( Article by Carp )

What causes bridge players to explode, to rise from their seats spitting feathers ,  to go ape-shit , or to blow a gasket ? Slow play by their opponents ?  An out-of-the-blue defamatory remark ? An unfair ruling by an arrogant, officious, extremely biased TD ?  No.....it's that revolting revoke which has just converted a potential top into a nailed-on galactic bottom !
What the blue blazes makes any player revoke ? How simple does it need to be to follow suit when a player has one or more of that suit in his/her hand ? Given that bridge requires sustained focus , concentration and alertness of the mind , how is it possible to cock up such a simple task ?
Possible explanations can be both obvious and obscure , but some of the ones I've encountered are listed as follows :
- I meant to play a spade but a club just slipped out ( right intent , wrong execution )
- I played a club because East played a club , not realizing that this was a discard on North's 
  lead of a spade ( complete loss of the plot )
- I thought I was out of spades having originally misplaced one in amongst my 7 card club suit 
  ( mis-suited )
- I thought my opponent was going to continue clubs but he switched to a spade ( step ahead 
  of myself ) 
- I was distracted by a bee in the room ( transfer of blame )
- There's some mistake....I swear to God I played a spade ( absolute denial )
- I could have sworn I had no spades left in my hand but one had got stuck behind another card
  ( victim of fate )
All in all a load of pathetic , weak , limp , cowardly excuses, when the truth is simply " I've the concentration span of a gnat, and the mental awareness of a brain-damaged moron "
When bridge competitions are won by small margins , that top which went begging because of that revolting revoke might well have relegated a pair from top position to a disappointing 4th or 5th place. This will be perceived by that pair as a woeful act of self-destruction , shooting themselves in the foot , and having snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. So yes , it is the most heinous crime any player can commit at the bridge table , far far worse than inadvertently trumping partner's Ace , or failing to smother dummy's stiff queen with your king.  
And on a final note,  I shall leave you with an extract from Richard Arkell's wonderful little poem  " The First Revoke " , when Neanderthal Man played a version of bridge , involving two packs of cards.

" Thou hast no club ? "
'Twas East who spoke
His partner answered " Nay "
Alas , that prehistoric youth
Was not adhering to the truth
While North examined every trick
And counted both the packs
South solemnly began to lick
The bloodstains from his axe

You HAD to know the Rules of Bridge
To play the game on Sompting Ridge   

Clearly , capital punishment was considered then as the best and most effective way to deal with players guilty of revolting revokes............and in my view it should also be applied today.