THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY REVISITED......

Rank : the state of the men's toilets after a rather long bridge tournament
Sponsor :  a person who uses his money to play in company way beyond his/her level of 
ability
Inferior contract : one in which the expert soon realises he charged his sponsor far too little , given the enormity of the task of partnering a total jerk
Superior contract :  one in which a third-rate expert seeks out a sponsor stupid enough to pay double the going rate for his services 
Disciplinary hearing : a kangaroo court by any other name , where the committee act as both judge and jury
Part score :  an extremely frustrating outcome for a lady player whose male partner lacked the balls to make a big raise 
Selectors :  a group of people who allow nepotism and/or favouritism  to take precedence over duty , responsibility and objectivity
Private members' club : a place where ever other man is familiar with a Dick , Rod , Nobby , Percy , Peter , Willie , and John Thomas
Pass out : what many men need from their wives to play bridge at weekends
Bottoms : what gay bridge players constantly think about after the duplicate has finished and the night is still young