THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY REVISITED...........

• Disciplinary hearing : an alternative name to a rubber stamp job
• Rack : a contraption often used by committees to extract confessions from members prior to a disciplinary hearing
• Closed hand : a highly effective weapon attached to the end of an arm
• Heart : an organ that often stops beating when partner allows a cold grand slam to go down by failing to remove the opponent's last trump
• Bridge talk : a god sent opportunity to commit a variety of indiscretions without thought or concern for others ,  spreading false and malicious rumours full of prejudice and loathing 
• Steal ( a trick ) : the act of winning a trick that really belonged to the opponents , by means of diversionary tactics, cunning , stealth and/or deception
• Bridge teacher : a second rate player often found with one hand in his students' pockets as the other tots up his gross earnings
• Partnership : the state or condition of a union consisting of two superiors and their two inferior halves, making in all three
• AGM : an awe-inspiring illustration of how to keep members completely in the dark , and dissenters at bay with their damn awkward questions
• Direction :  what a player needs to decide upon before firing a bridgemate across the table