THE INVINCIBILITY AND INEVITABILITY OF BIAS IN DECISION MAKING... ( Article by Professor Hu Chi Ku Chi )

When club committees embark on the difficult task of disciplining alleged wrongdoers , the spectre of bias looms long and large. Personal agendas , emotions , motives and vendettas can quickly replace objectivity , impartiality and fairness. 
Can disciplinary committees ever be free from bias ?    The answer I'm afraid is an emphatic " No ". Bias is the natural result of every person's self-centrism . Unless a committee member is completely incapacitated by self-doubt , then all those in attendance will be utterly convinced that their beliefs, actions and opinions are absolutely correct at the time. 
The caveat " at the time " is an essential part , because all the committee members ( except for those who are pathologically incapable of acknowledging error ) may well come to realise that they have made a mistake , and that their beliefs , actions and/or opinions were wrong. For instance , is sneezing in front of another member a deliberate biological assault or is it an unfortunate instinctive consequence of having a cold ? 
What is certain is that our human tendency is to believe the other person is biased , but not to believe that we ourselves are biased. With regards to disciplinary matters , it comes as no surprise to see committee members failing to perceive their own biases , and this regrettably warps their perceptions , judgements and decisions.  If the member who sneezed has a track record of being rude and ill-mannered , then his action must be deliberate. 
Bias is a sort of " blind spot " in a peoples' thinking : a place where their assurance of being right makes them vulnerable to imagining the world to be different from how it it truly is. As truth has it the sneeze was a reflex response to the cat hair /dust on the victim's clothing. But the thing about blind spots is that we are not aware of them. Our reality is made up of our thinking, assumed beliefs , our own self-awareness and introspection. If a committee member sees things in a jaundiced and particular way , then he/she might well form the view that the alleged member's explanation was without any validity or substance whatsoever , or was nothing more than a woefully limp , insufficient excuse. And should another committee member take a minority view of believing the accused , then he/she " can't see straight " or is just plain unintelligent. By denying our bias we delude ourselves and fail to recognise our susceptibility to deception and self-deception. 
It was Mark twain who once said : " It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. " And so it is those cursed blind spots of bias which get people into trouble. Ignorance is merely a need for information or education : error , especially when it is believed wholeheartedly , is a calamity waiting to happen. 
Even when evidence of an allergy to cats is presented , which suggests the accused's explanation has both validity and merit , committee members might already have deluded themselves by crediting their motives , intentions , feelings and emotions to fully justify their decision to treat the incident as a biological assault. " We meant well.....our motives were good , and so arrived at a good decision to suspend the member so often guilty of gross misconduct ".
In any disciplinary hearing when contradictory evidence is presented , committee members have a choice to either consider it or ignore it. If the evidence is ignored simply because it conflicts with their pre-formed ( and self-corroborated ) view , then the spectre of bias is clearly present  for all objective onlookers to see. Indeed , it is laughable in the extreme to hear people state that they are " not biased " when they clearly are. Yes, everyone is biased to some extent , but when the boundaries have been pushed out by personal prejudices , their particular view of reality will be severely distorted. It's obvious the accused deliberately set out to transfer his snivelling cold onto the person he/she was known to dislike  .
Bias influences , shades and slants conscious decisions in ways that we are not aware of at the time. Looking back , some of us can be made aware of how our assurance of correctness can lead to a disaster , but we didn't , or couldn't , see it . Biased thinking , even when others have given out warnings of impending trouble , cannot be altered. Bias tends to be permanently ingrained. Many commentators have talked about " normalcy bias " which causes people to underestimate the possibility of decision leading to a disaster or catastrophe. The consequence of not heeding warnings is of course the failure to prepare for worst case scenarios. The threat of legal action being taken against us ? It wont happen. It'll all blow over "  is a classic response , yet again illustrating yet another blind spot. The consequence of underestimating is of course the failure to prepare any contingency plans , or to re-examine their decisions.
Such is the invincibility and inevitability of bias , it never goes away and can never be removed.
Such is the invincibility of bias , ignorance of it and denial become inevitable. And even when people are confronted and made aware of their bias , they inevitably pull out all the stops to rationalize their actions and decisions................ 
" We were not biased against the member who sneezed but we were biased towards the  complainant who was sneezed upon  "
"The sneeze may have been innocent but the suspension was justified based on the member's appalling track record of rudeness and inappropriate behaviour. "
" We invested so much time, effort and energy on this matter to admit we were wrong."
"The majority of members backed our decision , which clearly shows we made the right decision."
" I voted for suspension along with committee members who I really trust. They can't all be wrong."
" For the sake of the club , drastic action was called for. Members would have been upset if we had done nothing."
Dreaming up these counter-reality thoughts is without doubt hard work. Consequently, critics who challenge these rationalisations are not appreciated or liked. If one is allowed to trash this counter-reality , the likelihood of destroying their snug, safe sanctuary becomes becomes ever more apparent  . Biased people will therefore lash out at those who have the temerity to disagree with them. The Human Condition demands it.  

BIGOT'S LATEST PARTNER FINALLY GIVES HIM THE BIG HEAVE-HO..........

ANOTHER POETIC MASTERPIECE FROM THE PEN OF DR. SIGMUND T. SHUKELGRUBER....

( Entitled the  " Here Comes The Preacher Man  "  in dedication to all those I-know-best-love-my own-voice self-proclaimed experts who terrorise members in every bridge club you care to name )


Here comes the preacher man
He's always here
He's always there
He's always bloody everywhere
This man in the long dark coat


Here comes the preacher man
He gets through the gears
To hammer your ears
To heighten your fears
This man in the long dark coat

He comes the preacher man 
He sees bridge as a sport
Where nous can be taught
Where he can hold court
This man in the long dark coat

He comes the preacher man
He's ready to tail you
He's looking to nail you
Then publicly flail you
This man in the long dark coat

He comes the preacher man
Words loaded with spite
Pushing wisdom that's shite
He tells what's right
This man in the long dark coat

Here comes the preacher man
No where to hide
Hope's all but died
I'm gonna get fried
By this man in the long dark coat




  

PROFESSOR HU CHI KU CHI'S THOUGHT FOR THE DAY........

" When undertaking a judicial or quasi-judicial role ,   then anyone who allows his or her prejudice to be exposed must do the only honourable thing , which is of course
to resign. "

BACK TO THE BAR ROOM OF THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE BRIDGE CLUB......

THE NORTHERN PRO REACHES THE END OF HIS TETHER......

REBECCA ROOD'S MAILBAG.............

Dear Rebecca ,
I was partnering the Northern Pro , when he picked up AQ7654.....AK4.....Q.....843. Not surprisingly he opened 1S , which was followed by a pass from my RHO.
I held 32....QJ1052....J94....K95 and under our system I was obliged to bid 1NT denying a 10+ HCP hand. However my LHO vulnerable overcalled 3D which ended the auction.
The Northern Pro then turned on me to ask why I didn't come in with 3H , seemingly laying the blame on me for missing a rigid game in hearts with 10 easy tricks there for the taking. Opponents were at best restricted to just 3 winners , with the Ace of clubs ,Ace of Diamonds along with a safety play first round duck in spades.
The King of spades was onside , and both major suits were breaking 3-2.  The club king  was sitting over the Ace , and consequently a losing club was going away either on an established diamond or spade trick.
So was the Northern Pro right in his assessment as to where the blame lay.

Yours feeling particularly unconvinced , 
                                                         Dan Virdcross

Dear Dan ,
I believe the Northern Pro was at fault for not reopening with a double. This way he could show more than a minimum opening hand , and a willingness to play in spades with little help from yourself. 
If of course you bid hearts showing five ,  he will have no problem bidding four. On reflection you had nothing more than what your 1NT bid suggested , but The Northern Pro's extra points and 6 card spade suit certainly demanded another bid from him. 

Yours clearly on your side , 
                             Rebecca Rood 

NEWSFLASH : APPLICATIONS FOR MEMBERSHIP AT THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE BRIDGE CLUB TRIPLE OVERNIGHT........

Bigot-Johnson's new 
compulsory dress code 
for ladies under 40 years
of age immediately led to
an enormous increase in
male members. This is in
sharp contrast to the 
declining membership
as experienced by the 
nearby B-9 Bridge Club ,
renown for its zero 
tolerance fun destroying
policies.  
   

LAW REPORT ( "X" rated material not suitable for adults with sensitive dispositions ) : R v. BIGOT-JOHNSON 2015

In this landmark case Bigot-Johnson was brought before the Crown Court charged with the crime of bestiality. Not surprisingly he venomously denied the charge ,  and was so confident about his innocence he decided to conduct his own defence. The following extract has been taken from the trial's transcript , which for many proved to be too shocking and harrowing to read in full.

Prosecuting counsel ( PC ) : Bestiality is defined as sexual relations between a human being and an animal. In fact many devout Christians regard this heinous act as a crime against nature
B-J : I'm innocent....
PC : I put it to this court that Bigot is guilty of this crime......a most despicable , depraved , perverted act........one so often associated with inbred Welsh mountain sheep farmers....
B-J : I'm innocent.....why I'm a respectable married man with a devoted and loving wife , two well grounded children and three adorable grand-children. I'm a blogger of distinction, a former law lecturer, carer and pinball enthusiast.
PC : Well, let me ask you this Bigot .....have you ever engaged in extra-marital affairs with lady members of your club
B-J : I can't say "no" to that question....
PC : I'm not surprised given the thirteen witness statements I have in front of me 
B-J : Tip of the iceberg.....
PC : So you admit to bit of sporran dabbling here and there with ladies ....who obviously have poor judgement and an obliging nature
B-J : Mmm....yes.....I do recall a little bit of hanky panky on several occasions....and of course
happy moments of lustful play and indulgence 
PC : But is it also true that you.... constantly and repeatedly ...... refer to the female members in your club as " cheating dogs "
B-J : Yes
PC :  And on many others occasions as " clueless rabbits "
B-J : Yes..
PC : Several times as " chimps "
B-J : Yes...
PC : Other times as " timid mice  "
B-J : Yes..
PC : And on occasions as " sly old foxes "
B-J : Yes...yes...yes 
PC : So I take it then you perceive and define all lady members......even your partners.......as animals of one kind or another
B-J : I guess so
PC : Therefore.....on those occasions you were engaged in extra-marital activities , you had it your mind you were performing sex with an animal of one shape or form 
B-J : You could say that.....especially when they turn into tigers
PC :  Well that to me establishes the mens rea of the crime.....and so with the sexual act itself ...the actus rear....oops sorry....the actus reus....all this adds up to one inescapaable conclusion.....Bigot you're as guilty as hell
Judge : I'm shocked.....your sexist attitudes have so corrupted your mind , you have clearly sunk to an appalling degenerate level......the courtroom has been stunned into silence.  What should have been a loving .....albeit adulterous.....acts between two human beings was sadly converted into acts of bestiality. What pray God do you have to say for yourself ?
B-J : Well , your Honour... since I am happy to acknowledge and accept my intentions as " beastly aforethought ", which along with my odious reputation as " a loathsome beast who bull shits his way through life " ..... I cannot therefore be guilty of this crime
Judge : How come ? 
B-J : Because.....by ceasing to be a decent human being .....a person of any worth or standing....I have become a beast. Consequently , the human requirement for this crime is clearly missing. And if you consider the ladies as fulfilling the human requirement and me being the beast, then it is they who should be on trial.....and not me
Judge : My God....you're right....case dismissed      

BIGOT MISSES OUT ON AN OPEN INVITATION......

THE NORTHERN PRO IS FAR FAR FROM BEING A HAPPY BUNNY

BRIDGE BOOKS WHICH MIGHT TICKLE YOUR FANCY.....
( Research by Pun )

• Why's Your Partner Always Rushing Off To The Loo ?.............Kent E. Waite
• I'm So Sorry But I Can't Play Bridge Tonight............................Ivan Ed Hake
• Certain Aspect Of Bridge Completely Baffle Me.......................Janice Saiquar
• I Think Bridge Is On Its Way Back..........................................Renee Sance
• Make A Mistake Partner And Pay The Price.............................Tanya Hyde
• Make Another Mistake And Guess What Happens...................Tanya Hydigan
• I Lost Out On A Trophy In The Worst Possible Way...................T.D. Rouling
• As Gay Bridge Players Go He's One To Watch Out For...........Dick Fondler
• Let Me Tell You My Partner Is Utterly Clueless.........................M.T. Hedded 
• Partner I Always Get Nervous Playing Against These Two.......Denise R. Nockin
• After Twenty Long Years I've Finally Won A Duplicate..............Phil Len Goode
• Partner , Just For Once Play The Cards Quickly......................Ann May Kaleed  

THE NORTHERN PRO TELLS IT LIKE IT IS.............

IN DEFENCE OF SATIRE........

As a blog writer and wannabe satirist , I feel obliged to come up with a particular take on the unpleasant aspects of life in the world of bridge , which continue to corrupt this beautiful beautiful game loved and cherished by so many of us.
Writing spoof articles is for me a real cathartic experience . The process provides me with an outlet for my anger. In fact it is anger which drives me to carry on . Anger which has been fuelled by dishonesty , disrespect , snobbery , elitism , hypocrisy , prejudice, ignorance and injustice.
I regard satire as a non-ranting form of criticism and condemnation. It is a civilised way of mocking either those who deserve to be scorned , or  those who have behaved like clowns by making complete fools of themselves. There's is nothing morally wrong with offending people who have offended or harmed others , by their cruel , reckless and unjust acts. Indeed , one effective way to highlight wrongdoings is to ridicule those responsible by means of lampoonery , ridicule and politically incorrect cartoons.  Satire is without doubt the art of getting people to see the truth by means of comic exaggeration and hyperbole. 
In practice I am exercising my right to free speech . If I get people to think about things the way I think , then perhaps I can get them to see that so much of the dark reality , lurking inside the world of bridge , tragically belongs in the theatre of the absurd. In time I hope that bridge players will view my blog not as insane drivel or vindictive ( even toxic ) material ,  but as a testament to the truth about the Human Condition :  the tragic limitations , shortcomings and failings of the human species of which , regretfully , I  am also a member. 
Satire is therefore a genuine and well-meaning attempt to make the pills of hard bitter truths easier to swallow and digest.  

THE NORTHERN PRO COMES UP WITH YET ANOTHER GREAT VISIONARY BID.........

BACK IN THAT BRIDGE CLUB BAR ROOM.....

NEWSFLASH : 80% OF MALE BRIDGE PLAYERS ARE SHAMELESS SEXIST TOSSERS

In a recent survey the majority of male bridge players revealed themselves to either mean and nasty racists, or vain , self-absorbed sexists. Researchers at the Institute of Pointless Studies found over three quarters of male players were prejudiced on issues of class , race and gender.
This made very difficult for lady players to get on with them in the boiler room atmosphere of a highly competitive bridge arena. The head of the research team ,Tanya Hydigan, said " playing with or against men is a very difficult situation to handle. They either want to show off or blow off. Indeed , their complete lack of social awareness beggars belief. I genuinely believe that men are well over to the right on the autistic spectrum , completely unaware of the social norms , etiquette, manners and protocol that women believe are so important in life.
May be it is not their fault but rather they are the hapless victims of nature's cruel tricks , which have certainly inflicted upon them unpleasant obsessive compulsive disorders and introverted personalities. Bridge is a world where they can mix with the opposite sex , but have nothing to do with them. Male bridge players only have one objective in mind , and that is to win at all costs. "
However , the survey's findings did not go down at all well with a rather irate Bigot-Johnson. In fact he was incensed. " No way do I believe any of this drivel. As an intelligent man , who craves for challenge and excitement ,   I'm torn between my instinctive passion for bridge, and my overwhelming desire to do the things that please me most  All this of course without interfering women saying otherwise. To say I'm a sexist , male chauvinistic pig , is an outrage. I can't help it if I only love bridge.  And yes I have been known to take a few minutes out here and there to enjoy a bit sex, but thankfully all that takes place when bridge clubs are closed up for the night. 
What one must recognise is that bridge is both a civilised and ritualised form of non-physical combat  ( although I must admit to giving inept lady partners a right good shaking every now and again ) . Moreover , bridge is all about participating in a psychological and intellectual battle against all manner of opponents. One makes no exception if the opponents happen to be women. For me the game is about establishing my superiority over women , which of course I do with effortless and ruthless regularity. "
   

BIGOT OFFERS HIS PARTNER A FEW KIND WORDS OF ADVICE......

THE NORTHERN PRO TELLS IT LIKE IT IS.......

NEWSFLASH : SHORT BRIDGE PLAYERS REALLY ARE INFERIOR SAYS A RECENT SURVEY REPORT

In a startling and devastating report , commissioned by The Institute Of Pointless Studies , bridge players of restricted height were shocked to learn their taller counterparts possessed superior skills to them , in every aspect of the game. 
The report , entitled " It helps to be tall " clearly established beyond all reasonable doubt , that men were definitely superior to women , and that taller players outplayed and outranked their smaller partners and/or opponents. Part of the explanation stems from the psychological stigma which short players experience : the shameful embarrassment of having to sit on chairs stacked high with cushions.
Bigot-Johnson , the six foot two chairman of the infamous Slaughter House Bridge Club, claims his height has helped him immensely to become a successful player. He emphatically agreed that every one of the report's negative assumptions about short players turned out to be true. 
" I have noticed that all my height-deprived partners are short in so many other ways : short-sighted , short on ideas , short of breath , short on patience , and short of common sense.  In short , they are useless.  Being tall certainly enables me to undertake information gathering techniques my stunted partners can't : the ability to look over the shoulders of players sitting on nearby tables , and to lean sideways in a casual unnoticeable manner so as to obtain a better view of things. "
The report goes on to suggest that short players should be restricted from attending top grade events , if only to avoid the problem of tall players tripping up over them when rushing to the bar.
Yet the most shocking finding was that for every inch a player is under the 5 foot eight benchmark , he or she loses another 10% in terms of talent and ability. Conversely , for every inch over this figure players can add another 10% to their ability quotient. So the reality turns out to be a simple one : if you want to achieve a higher position in the final placings , you must find yourself a tall partner and pray that you meet a succession of dwarfs and short-arsed opponents.        

NEWSFLASH : SOARING MEMBERSHIP NUMBERS AT SLAUGHTER HOUSE BC COMES DOWN TO THE FACT PLAYERS CAN SMOKE WEED WHILE THEY PLAY

The Slaughter House is now the most popular bridge club in the whole of the UK , simply because cannabis smoking has been encouraged and endorsed by Bigot-Johnson and his cronies on the committee.

Following a survey by the Doncaster Gazette , the club was described as a financial success, over-flowing with liquid assets : a little pot of gold in fact. Its Amsterdam-like tolerance to marijuana has brought bridge a much needed and revived popularity , with membership applications out-stripping available seats. However,  despite the club's huge success , news of it has yet to appear in the EBU's website , newsletters and monthly magazines. 
Mustapha Drag , who recently moved to the area from Pakistan , said " I first came to the club to learn the game in order to be in a position to attend private bridge parties with my rotary club friends.  Not surprisingly I couldn't help but notice the rich aromatic smell that drifted through the building. From that moment on I was hooked onto duplicate bridge. Although the committee members and TDs did a lot of stalking around , they clearly didn't give a toss.Since then I , like so many others, turn up to play bridge every night of the week. The bidding of course is hellishly random , and the play of the cards is all over the place. But no one cares about the damn scores , except for the one which is being lit up next. 
The whole bridge experience is mind-blowingly beautiful. There's never any altercations or temper tantrums , with everyone deliriously happy and full of joy. Whenever I look my cute-arsed female partner I see her beam with delight." 
The Gazette reporter himself found the atmosphere totally intoxicating and blissful. So even though there was a huge mix of people of different ages , race and class , the only segregation he noticed was based on perceived levels of psychosis affecting the members.  This phenomenon has now provided local university students with valuable research material for their essays on the " The short and long term consequences of excessive smoking and/or exposure to skunk ". 
On a final note , when the chairman Bigot-Johnson was asked if he could accommodate more members , he admitted with deep regret that he was " completely spaced out ". 
    
       

TWO HOURS LATER ON.......A SLOW BUT INEVITABLE REALISATION