ATTENTION ALL BRIDGE CLUB COMMITTEES : CHAIRMAN BIGOT-JOHNSON HAS AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE.....
" We all know that over the years the biggest problem has been the psychological bullying dished out by unforgiving members upon their weak and hapless partners. Anyone who tells you otherwise needs sorting out with knuckle dusters and baseball bats.
But today an even more disturbing problem has emerged , as a result of initiatives to curb the traditional bullying at the tables. This relates the development of the so called " culture of fear " which stems from zero tolerance policies , springing up all over the place.
For instance , at the Walnut Tree Allotment society BC the ZTP initiated there certainly brought about a successful crackdown on noisy and boisterous behaviour. The committee there kicked off by finding a suitable scapegoat to demonstrate their fierce intent to rid the club of loud and unruly members. This poor man , having accused his partner of being " a complete prune " , had his head immediately flushed down the toilet before receiving a damn good thrashing. Days later a Spanish-style inquisition took place , which resulting in him admitting his guilt to many other allegations of bullying , dreamed up and invented by over zealous committee members gifted with incredible imagination , creativity and extreme bias. At the kangaroo court hearing he meekly accepted full responsibility for all his sins , stating that he thoroughly deserved every form of punishment which was about to come his way.
This sad wretch of a man , who was first in the firing line , confessed to making verbal remarks and theatrical gestures solely designed to intimidate and upset his partners. Onlooking club members were not surprised by this confession given the fact his mouth at the time was being pumped full of alcohol while tied to a chair.
Nevertheless bullying in the club disappeared overnight once the fear factor was operating at full throttle. Members at risk , being conscious of having a short fuse and acid wit along side a life-long habit to speak their minds , now opted instead to either sulk in silence or bury their heads in muffle cushions which are conveniently placed near to the tables.
But as always in life a solution to one problem merely creates another , and ZTP have replaced one form of bullying with another far more sinister and far more heinous. Committee members corrupted by power have seized the opportunity to rid the club of who they want , by waiting for the smallest transgressions to take place before initiating another ruthless and vindictive witch hunt. The culture of fear thrives upon those with big inflated egos picking on those who don't deserve it. Yes , without a shadow of doubt zealous ZTP enforcers really do give bullying a bad name.
Finally, I would like to add that ZT policies have no place whatsoever in The Slaughter House BC , because members are told that if you play bridge like a numpty expect to be called one : you either man up or give up the game. "