DRUGS IN BRIDGE : LATEST SCANDAL
An in-depth investigation by news reporter Anna Bollick-Steroyd has uncovered evidence of the shocking use of drugs throughout the world of bridge.
According to her main source , the infamous whistle blower Ivor Bigmouth, many top players have become totally dependent on drugs to improve their levels of concentration , memory , speed and depth of analysis along with mental stamina.
" It's very sad " , said Ivor , " but the nature of the modern game has become so competitive and results orientated , players are resorting to all manner of ways by which to cheat and seek an unfair advantage. Using drugs to enhance their memory and performance is much harder to detect.Moreover , staying alert , sharp and fully focused over long sessions at the tables is not easy unless drugs are used. Before all this cheating , players would often fall asleep towards the end of a lengthy tournament. Others would go on dream-like walkabouts. But now you see hyped-up players jumping about in their seats , making flamboyant gestures , eyes all lit up as their minds run wild with probability calculations to determine their best options and lines of play. In my opinion these brain enhancement drugs should be treated with the same contempt as LSD , speed , ecstasy and amphetamines. "
However , one brain food addict was suspiciously quick to defend the practice saying " nearly all players pump themselves up with caffeine-laced coffees and liquid pick-me-up tonics , so why condemn those who go that extra step. Since everyone is doing drugs I see no objection when it comes to using stronger stuff when competing at the highest levels. Moreover the WBF has opted to sit on the fence, refusing to address this issue for fear of rocking the boat , by having more cheating scandals hitting the press. "
Ironically, one infamous player , renown for his high profile cheating , said " using drugs to improve performance is not acceptable especially when there are far more effective ways to achieve glory and success. No one should risk their personal health and well being when there are so many less damaging ways to gain an unfair advantage over unsuspecting opponents. "