TABLE-SPEAK REVISITED................................................( By Carp) What is the true meaning hidden behind the smokescreen of softer comforting words? Bridge players by and large like to call a spade "a spade", but honesty has to make way for promoting harmony and respect of others. Indeed, blunt honesty might well breach club rules on acceptable, zero-tolerance behaviour. So naturally subtle sarcasm and euphemisms prevail, and therefore it comes as no surprise when hapless partners are on the receiving end of these comments. For behind these well chosen words, expect more sinister messages to be lurking...................

• " You nearly made it "......." Your inept play beggars belief "
• " Thanks partner, I enjoyed it "..... " I enjoyed it only because I'm a masochist "
• " You're not as bad as you think "...... " You are far far worse "
• " Well done ".........." Thank God for duff opponents "
• " Strange opening lead that ? "...." The only bloody lead to give them the contract "
• " I didn't expect a top here "...." Playing with you, any top is out of the question "
• " Nasty trump break you got "...." A simple safety play was all that was needed "
• " Generous of you to praise the defence "......" These defenders were jerks, but you made them look good "
• " Thanks for pointing out my one mistake "...." Why not focus instead on the 3 or 4 you make on each board "
• " Shame you didn't hold onto your clubs "......." They made that slam because you can't count "