TABLE-SPEAK: THE TRUTH REVEALED....................( First of a series of articles by Carp ) The majority of bridge players are renown for two things. Firstly, their willingness to abide by the well established code of conduct which prohibits rudeness, unpleasant behaviour and foul-mouthed abusive comments. Secondly, their ability to scale the heights of sarcasm, which results in polite euphemisms cleverly masking the veiled insults that lurk beneath. Politeness it seems take precedence over honesty. Partners' mistakes, which clearly warrant some form of rebuke, will be either politely overlooked, or dismissed as minor aberrations. In some cases voiced criticisms are concealed within sarcastic compliments. This curious absurdity enables bridge evenings to run smoothly along without explosive incidents and verbal slanging matches. So let's look into the world of bridge euphemisms, which are part and parcel of good table manners and etiquette.............but at the same time expose the real meaning behind those well chosen words and cliches.

• What is said.......................................What is really meant
• " Perfect " (as dummy goes down)........." That's not what you promised "
• " Well played"........" At long last you have got us an average"
• " Good try, partner"....... " The contract was cold "
• " No need to apologise"........" This will be the last time you'll ever partner me"
• " A little timid there, partner "....." If you underbid like that again, you're a dead man "
• " Did you miss my heart bid "....." What on earth do I have to do to get you to lead my suit "
• " Unlucky to go off there, partner"......." Must you keep giving opponents gifts, you fool"
• " Cleverly executed end play, partner "....." Amazing how the defence managed to end play themselves "
• " You're always playing the contracts "....." I loathe people who hog the bidding "
• " Quite an imaginative bid there, partner "...." You are completely off your head "