- From the outset, I would like to say how grateful I am to be given the opportunity to write about this great player. To be chosen for this task, in view of my humble background, just goes to show that where else but in a club like mine can an orphan like myself ( after years of rejection and abuse ), pick himself up by his boot-laces and make a name for himself. The mere fact that the Cardinal BC committee even put me up for consideration speaks volumes about their faith and belief in me. I have to admit, it wasn't easy for me to gain acceptance anywhere, let alone by Sheffield's premier bridge club. I mean, how would you like to be the only child out of an orphanage of 106 that wasn't chosen by foster parents ? No, I'm sure you wouldn't have liked it either. " Too volatile", I would hear them whisper as their took their little Peters and Janets back to their warm loving homes and hot-cross buns. " Too twisted and disturbed ", I heard on one occasion, when that pompous self-righteous twit Ivor Boyle climbed onto a beautiful pristine top-of-the-range Raleigh bicycle, bought especially for him by his new foster parents. Well, a bike like that would have been no bloody use to me, having two club feet and all ! Yes, what matters to me is not the material things in life....but the abstract things like respect and recognition......and being asked to write this tribute about....about ?....oh yes...old Johnny.....is recognition indeed.
Oh dear, I'm digressing a bit, but I guess you're keen to know what happened to me after I left the orphanage. Well, I was 18, and I got a job as a shelf-stacker in my local supermarket ( which I'm still doing ), and it wasn't until I was 27 when I wormed my way into the CBC. This was after 9 years, and 473 failed applications for joining other city clubs that offered some hope and opportunity for me to meet, and be seated opposite, a member of the opposite sex. However, the most remarkable thing is that since I've been a member, countless letters have been sent in to past committees demanding my expulsion......yet I'm still here. Much credit, I must admit, has to go to the current committee, who have seen fit to accept my excessively generous bribes to ensure my continued membership. Moreover, this latest gesture to ask me to write this tribute about.... God-what-is-his-name.... means my money has clearly reaped an unexpected reward.
So now I would like to say a few words about this self-proclaimed expert. He's been around in Sheffield since 1970....married in 1978......works occasionally ( if the agency gets desperate ).......no kids at home ......likes the sound of his own voice......has nevered offered me a game.......choosing instead to play with some right riff raff.....someone who is quite happy to get average boards......even against beginners......a total wassock infact. Need I say more.