REBECCA ROOD'S MAILBAG.................

Dear Rebecca ,

I have long regarded your advice as " gifted ", having read your marvellous answers to the sack loads of letters you have chosen to publish.

Anyway, I have a dilemma. One of my congress partners, a young woman of 23 summers, and very pretty, with a lovely naive ignorance about my numerous shortcomings, has over the last few months been visiting my house for private lessons. This has all been very much above board. Indeed, my wife was the one who encouraged her to come.

My dilemma is that I have become attracted to this woman , and I cannot stop thinking about her. It may be the folly of a man who is desperate to relive his youth, but the reality is my 30 year marriage has long been devoid of what you might term.....physical intimacies. I genuinely feel that my developing partnership with this wonderful woman can blossom into something special , both at and away from the table.

You see, my wife has this aversion to what she calls " the grosser physical practices ". This is hard for me to come to terms with, being a red blooded, really- up-for-it, sort of man. And this lady friend of mine is giving me all the right signals. The way she looks at me. The way she brushes up against me as she walks by. She even offers a sympathetic smile every time I go off in contracts, never realising they were cold from the start.

Oh yes, I'm smitten alright. I want to be with her all the time...... playing bridge and playing away. But what can I do ? Can you please help me ?

Yours troubled at heart, Randy Ashell

Dear Randy,

You just don't get it, do you ? If your wife has been giving you her blessing to play away at congresses, and allowing this woman to come into the very bosom of your family , whilst at the same time putting up the barriers at bedtime.......then the message she is sending you is plain and simple. SHE WANTS RID OF YOU.

And as for this bimbo who clearly can't play bridge, but wants to partner a sad old git like you ( in more ways than one ), then serious questions have to be asked about her sanity and mental state of health.

So really it comes down a simple choice: either staying with your frigid wife in a cold loveless relationship, or moving out to be with this extremely unbalanced young woman, who in my view needs be sectioned without delay. A tough call which YOU will have to make .

Yours passing this particular buck back, Rebecca