EUPHEMISMS THAT REALLY TAKE SOME BEATING : WHAT BRIDGE PLAYERS SAY AND WHAT THEY ACTUALLY MEAN....... ( Revelations by Carp )

• active member : randy old git
• above reproach : shifts blame
• a honest player : covers his tracks well
• popular with members : a laughing stock
• sad loss to the club : members all wept ( with joy )
• irreplaceable : no one could be that bad
• great communicator : never stops talking
• well informed : nosey bastard
• full of tact and diplomacy : refuses to answer difficult questions
• a well honed partnership : can read each other's body language
• members respect him : he's bloody scary
• long serving member : club has never been able to rid of him
• supports the committee : arse licker
• will never be forgotten : everyone here bears grudges
• well known : at the centre of every scandal
• letter of complaint : defamatory rant
• unlucky : bloody hopeless
• error of judgement ; ( he's) off his head
• disciplinary hearing : Spanish inquisition
• deserving winners : jammy toe-rags
• selected on merit : well in with the selectors
• sponsored player : money grabbing gold digger
• giving up the game for good : probably back next week
• not of good standing : loathed and despised