Monday, 25 November 2013


Dear Rebecca ,
I have recently started up a partnership with a woman, who not only has a drop-dead gorgeous figure but can bridge like a champion. To watch her expertly bid and play the cards is like a breath of fresh air, especially after having spent 20 barren , trophy-less years partnering a complete dunderhead .  However, this breath of fresh air contrasts sharply with that being exhaled from her mouth . The poor woman has shocking halitosis. In fact I would say she has cavities , tartar, plaque, staining and gum disorders, all of which make silent bidding boxes a god send. 
Naturally , I feel obliged if only for my own health and well being , to keep conversation with her to an absolute minimum . Mind you , on every occasion we pair up I always remember to bring a bottle or two of mouthwash, insisting that she takes a swig or two before and after each set of boards. Surprisingly she didn't object , but despite having been on this regime for over a month her breath still continues to make me feel both uncomfortable and nauseous. The smell of rotting cabbage is the only way I can describe it.
What I need to know is how much longer should I be prepared to wait to give the treatment a chance to work ? Or should I consider going back to old partner and give up any hopes I have of winning a trophy ? What do you think ?

Yours in a quandary , Ronald

Dear Ronald,

These questions are tough ones indeed. In my opinion, I believe success at the bridge tables is worth the sacrifice. Could I endure hours of being bombarded with foul smelling exhalations of breath just to lay my hands on a trophy or two ? I guess the answer would have to be " yes ".
There is no greater feeling of joy and ecstasy than winning a competition in a top class field. So don't let your nose get in the way of success, glory and prestige. Live out your bridge dream.
But might I suggest  that you sit further back in your chair at the table, and douse yourself in the most powerful smelling aftershave available on the market.

Yours always looking to sniff out clever solutions to tackle difficult problems , Rebecca

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