Friday, 17 October 2014


( In a packed dimly lit committee room decked out to like a court , the chairman takes 
his position on the bench dressed in a kangaroo suit. All those in attendance stand up to give him a raised right arm salute. )

Chairman ( C ) : Whose next on the list for being expelled ?
Secretary : Just another irritating pantopod....
Pantopod ( P ) : Hold on a mo.....I haven't been found guilty of anything 
C : So I take it you want go through with this pretence of a hearing ?
P : Yes...
C : This is a great inconvenience.......something I am obliged to take note off in my little black book
P : Anyway....what am I being accused off ?
C : Viciously assaulting a card table with beastly intent......with a large heavy object , namely a bridgemate
P : Yes....I can recall that instance when I plonked the object down in a rather carefree way
C : Well....the table didn't take too kindly to your flippant attitude
P : This is ridiculous can a card table have feelings and thoughts ?
C : Call up the key witness
( At this point a card table is carried over to the witness stand accompanied by a little man dressed as a tree )
C : Card table.....through your interpreter ....please tell the committee how you reacted when the bridgemate suddenly crash landed on your smooth and polished top
( The tree bends over to place his ears close to the table top )
Interpreter ( I )  : Witness says.... he flinched......because the force of the blow really hurt him......the pain was awful
C : Has the witness ever been the same since ?
I : Witness says.....No.....he still has a small dent which has clearly damaged his good looks .....not to mention the permanent scuff mark that surrounds it. The whole experience has left him an emotional and psychological wreck !
C : I've heard enough.....someone take this horribly damaged witness away, and throw it into the skip    
P : What the hell is going on here ? .....the witness is an inanimate object .....devoid of life and intelligence.... utterly incapable of communicating anything 
C: My God just heard the table giving evidence
P : But the interpreter is one of your lackeys......he was reading straight from a script
C : How dare you suggest that the evidence was not up to scratch.....being nothing more than a complete tissue of lies......why if this was a real court then I would hold you in beneath contempt will have to do
P : I'm completely flabbergasted ...totally speechless !
C : Well, we're not......and so my original decision to have you expelled still pantopod are no longer a member of this club...... ah..... time's running short..... who's next on the list ? 

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