BRIDGE CLUB SUB-COMMITTEE DISCIPLINARY HEARING No. 127....... ( Although this hearing involved another tiff with Bigot-Johnson, the committee felt it necessary to treat this latest complaint, against its most notorious serial offender, with an urgency the reported facts clearly merited. However, it turned out to be the shortest hearing on record, as the full transcript of the proceedings can confirm. )

Chairman : Bigot-Johnson....a very serious complaint has been made against you by Percy Pantopod, who it seems had turned up to the club that Thursday, only because he had been told you were away on holiday. But what really shocked him that night was seeing you brandishing a gun in front of club members situated in the bar, where he too was standing.

B-J : Well, let me tell you...... I have a permit to possess and own a fire-arm.....

Chairman : But the club's constitution does not allow you......despite your permit......to enter the premises with any weapon whatsoever....let alone a lethal one..... like a gun. So unless you can provide us with a valid excuse, then handing out a lengthy ban is the only sensible option available to us......given your appalling track record of bad behaviour and outrageous antics.

B-J : Look.....any man with the number of sworn enemies I've got inside this club needs all the protection he can get....

Chairman : My God Bigot.....you're right.......Crikey .....everyone I know in this club, including myself, would certainly wish you dead. Complaint dismissed....you're free to go....

B-J : Well, I'll be buggered....