Bigot-Johnson has for over 20 years been on a quest to find the perfect partner. But success in this mission has completely eluded him. His last partner survived 3 outings until he was kicked into touch in a brutal and unforgiving fashion. The poor man mistook a splinter bid as a suit length bid. This compelled him to take charge of the auction and end up as declarer in a doomed 6NT contract...............when 7 of a minor was on ice. Bigot in sheer desperation now felt it was necessary to advertise for a new partner.
To his surprise 3 club members put their names forward to be interviewed by the big man. The vetting process involved was incredibly quick and simple. Each applicant was asked the same one question : " What do you respond to my 1D opener , holding this hand : x..x... QJxxxxx.....Axxx "
The first candidate confidently answered : " 5 diamonds ". Well, he didn't get the nod because Bigot felt the bugger was far too cocky, and completely full of himself.......a right smart arse if he ever saw one.
The next one tried a more tentative response : " Possibly 5D....or maybe a crafty 3S.......or may be.....". Bigot had heard enough and immediately sent him packing. He couldn't stand weak, namby pamby, wishy-washy, indecisive ditherers, under any set of circumstances.
The third candidate, who knew exactly the type of man Bigot was, had no difficulty in finding the perfect answer. " I will bid whatever you would like me to bid, for who am I to usurp your control of the auction, because let's face it ......... it needs you, with your vision and experience, to figure out where our best resting spot should be. " Bigot was over-joyed : he had finally found the perfect partner.
( It's amazing how a man like that can be so easily blinded by sycophantic creeping and undeserved flattery . )