( In a complete turnaround it was Percy Pantopod who found himself in the dock , facing charges of manslaughter by gross negligence. Yet , quite bizarrely, he turned to the man who had once sworn to kill him. It seemed that Bigot's reputation for courtroom heroics had impressed him enough to hand over a small fortune for his services. For Percy this was the time for burying the hatchet, but for Bigot this was a golden opportunity to bury the hatchet also.....right into the skull of his arch-enemy. A short extract from the trial's transcript appears below. )
Prosecutor ( P ) : Pantopod.....you have been charged with manslaughter by gross negligence , having poisoned dozens of bridge players who had sat down to enjoy a buffet meal. With several teams all involved in intercity league matches , large numbers of hungry players were present at your club that fateful day ....... a doss house of a venue..... which I might add was clearly ill-equipped to provide wholesome and healthy food on such a large scale.
B-J : Excuse me....my client had nothing to do with the purchase and preparation of the food.......he was simply the catering manager for the day.
P : Might I point out that because he was the person in charge, he must carry the responsibility ....and blame...for what ended up as a deadly e-coli outbreak.....
B-J : Fair point.....but you must remember that this man.....is an inbred, over-stressed, neurotic, under-achieving, emotional retard.....
Percy : I object....
B-J : See what I mean....he's even objecting to his own defence !
Judge : It is bizarre thing to do....I must admit.....
B-J : The fact remains that this crime requires proof of negligence. This in turn requires the prosecution to establish that a duty of care was owed by Percy to all those sitting down for a meal....... a question to which the answer is an obvious "yes ". However, to establish breach of that duty of care requires " a failure " on Percy's part. This failure can be defined as adopting a standard of care that falls well short of that which a reasonable jacked-up, hopelessly out of his depth, catering manager for the day would have adopted.
P : That's exactly why he is guilty......
B-J : Ah....but you are assuming that Percy was capable of achieving even this pitifully low standard of care .....which you claim his failure to do made him guilty. Yet one fact remains irrefutable. Percy is a complete dork, incapable of achieving any task no matter how simple or easy it is.....even for a man with an IQ below that of a cretin. This man is no amazingly stupid, he could do nothing more than what he did..... to dish out food without any thought or concern that it may be contaminated. Negligence...as I said before.....implies a careless act or omission....where one can be assumed to foresee the consequences of any such mistakes. In Percy's case no one would have any expectations of him, and neither would he have expectations of himself. It was impossible for him to be negligent because he remains permanently anchored to the start of all life's learning curves. His bridge results prove that beyond all reasonable doubt. Moreover, on the same grounds that a new born baby could not be held accountable had it been asked to don the catering manager's hat ....then by the same token Percy can not be held accountable.
Percy : I object.....
Judge : Objection over-ruled.....and in recognition of Bigot's eloquent defence, I am obliged to dismiss the case for lack of evidence that any negligent act had taken place. Percy Pantopod is so inadequate and inept he has not developed to a stage where he is aware of what careless acts and omissions are. However, I shall be recommending to the Law Commission that a new crime needs to be put on the statute books of manslaughter by gross stupidity.
B-J : Well Percy ...that's what I call a result.....money well spent !
Percy : You Bigot...are nothing more than a rotten, low down , loathsome, thieving, sadistic bastard....
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