Tuesday, 30 August 2011


With so much publicity surrounding his remarkable court room triumphs, people were beginning to question whether the justice system had let them down. How did Bigot manage to escape justice so many times ? Perhaps the contents of this document might confirm the suspected answers.
Howard Bigot-Johnson :
Sewer rat, unconventional bridge player, self-deluded genius, shyster, renown for lying, bullshitting, persecuting Pantopods, and getting up to highly successful courtroom antics.
Born : November 10th 1948, but orphaned in 1952 when his parents did a sensible runner
Status : Single , having been divorced by his wife on the grounds of desertion and unreasonable behaviour
Children : None , not for want of trying but for want of potency
Qualifications : None
Jobs : Formerly a warehouse packer and third rate bridge teacher, he is now the successful owner of a privately run enterprise, known as "The Slaughterhouse Bridge Club "
Description : 6'2" , over-weight, pot bellied, bald, big nose, and always sporting a hideously huge black moustache
Achievements : None , except for winning one or two pairs trophies at the Walnut Tree Allotment BC , albeit in rather dubious and suspicious circumstances. He was once an editor of a rather unsavoury bridge club newsletter , until outraged members successfully petitioned to have him sacked, alleging its lewd, disgusting and scurrilous content was completely over the top.
Ambitions : To model his bridge club on the same lines as Sir Francis Dashwood's Hell Fire Club, and to make this blog his ticket to stardom
Favourite pastimes : Picking his nose , rigging deals , and licking large brown envelopes stuffed full of used £20 notes
Character traits :
Habitual liar, more than willing to lie under oath using such ploys as " I don't recall "
Low esteem and completely amoral
Insatiable greed for glory, fame, praise and recognition
Actively involved in satanic rites and ceremonies
Vindictive and sadistic towards those he dislikes
Bullying and big mouthed
Brown tongued arse-licker of the worst kind, forever courting favours with the establishment and leading figures in the judiciary
Cowardly and deceitful
Redeeming characteristics :
None to speak of....... investigations still ongoing

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