Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Contrary to all expectations shocked and stunned club members found themselves playing bridge under the EBU's recommended code of conduct. Bigot had insisted that civility, politeness and consideration for others was the only way forward to promote bridge as a no-fear, friendly, social game. So why not sit back and feast yourself on this random selection of conversation snippets recorded at club's most recent Thursday night duplicate.
Table 4 : 7.45 pm
East : Tell me , sir, what have you got in your hand ?
South : Oh .... you really want to know ?
East : Yes
South : Well....here....take a good look....I really wouldn't you want to strain your neck and injure yourself .
East : How thoughtful of you.....a true gentleman indeed
Table 7 : 8.05 pm
East : So North....what have you got to say now ?
North : I'm so sorry....I really am.....please accept my humble apologies....I had no right whatsoever to strike your iron fist with my delicate brittle-boned nose
Table 9 : 8.17 pm
South : That convention you used.......is it on your system card ?
West : No..
South : Oh ... well , please don't report me to the TD for causing you such embarrassment
West : Would dream of it.....
South : Thank you....thank you......I won't bother you again
Table 8 : 9.00 pm
West : How did you know to play the Ace dropping my singleton king ....with 7 cards missing in the suit ?
South : That decision was easy....I couldn't help but overhear the conversation about this hand when it was played earlier on the next table
West : Now that's what I call seizing an opportunity, staying focused and alert....the hallmarks of a truly great player
Table 6 : 9.47 pm
North : Sorry partner that double of theirs proved very costly indeed
South : Oh...you mustn't concern yourself one jot....minus 1100 is nothing....any other bid from you might well have cost us far more
North : Thank you ...you're so understanding
Table 11 : 9.55 pm
East : Did I hear correctly ? You called me a rabbit ?
West : Yes I did....but why do you ask ?
East : Well...I don't normally get compliments about my long slender years, and my ability to mimic small cuddly pets
West : Well, what else could I say ?
Table 3 : 10.15 pm
East : May I take my bid back ?
South : Of course....I have no problem with that
East : Oops....I think I've made another incorrect bid ......may I take this one back as well ?
South : By all means
East : Christ....I've done it again...oh dear.....I just don't know what bid to make ?
South : Allow me to have a look at your hand.... ah, I see your problem.....perhaps your best bid is to pass and await developments
East : Thank you...thank you..........PASS
South : No...thank you...this passed out hand has given us a complete top
East : Well, you clearly deserved it for being so forgiving and helpful

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