THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY............

• Disciplinary Appeal : a second hearing to reconsider the decision made,  and/or the manner and way that decision was reached, at the earlier one . If in the event a player was unbelievably banned for life without ever having an initial hearing, the appeal of course can " double up " as both. 
• Witness : a casual observer, who mistakenly believes that his/her subjective view of what happened bears some resemblance to the factual reality
• Letter of Complaint :  (a) a grievance put in writing where the boundaries between truth and fiction get extremely blurred, (b) a heaven sent opportunity to vent one's spleen or have a good rant
• Zero Tolerance :  where players'  petty intolerance of others is immediately cracked down upon by committees, who believe any intolerance on their part is fully justified, and that severe sanctions and punishments must be handed out accordingly 
• Best Behaviour : a foolish pipe dream or absurd notion that bridge players are capable of achieving any level of civilised co-existence and mutual respect
• Club Constitution : a set of internal rules which,  although designed to resolve conflicts of interest and petty squabbles,  serve only to create them by the bucket load 
• Disciplinary Hearing : a non event, especially when the committee considers the alleged wrongdoer to be so guilty, the idea of holding one seems utterly pointless
• Investigation Committee : hand picked members assigned to obtain all the relevant facts, and to sift through conflicting and contradictory evidence. Often at the risk of overlooking crucial facts, and merging irrelevant material with jaundiced assumptions,  to arrive at a completely absurd set of conclusions
• Mediation : a wonderful opportunity for both parties involved in a long running, bitter dispute to re-establish and confirm their determination to fight it out to the death