BIGOT-JOHNSON'S COMPULSORY CODE OF CONDUCT FOR MEMBERS ATTENDING SLAUGHTER HOUSE BRIDGE CLUB AGMs
1. Ordinary members are forbidden to step on or walk on the red carpet , which only gets laid out on grand occasions such as AGMs , being of course solely for the exclusive use of senior committee members to make their way to the top table.
2. Under no circumstances must members interrupt , heckle or harangue any committee member who is speaking or about to speak, irrespective of the misinformation and lies that will be dished out in great abundance.
3. No questions from the floor will be permitted , unless submitted beforehand in writing to the committee for rigorous scrutiny and approval.
4. All self-serving and self-congratulatory statements , comments and remarks , made by the club's senior officers, must receive warm and generous applause.
5. The committee of course regard manners as extremely important. Therefore any member found guilty of ill-mannered behaviour will be immediately ejected from the room.
6. It is essential for all members attending AGMs to appreciate the importance of duty , honour , loyalty , submission and compliance with regards to all the needs , wishes and demands of the committee.
7. Members are reminded to know their place within the established hierarchy , and to acknowledge the importance, high rank and status of all committee members at all times.
8. Before any AGM gets underway , long-standing club members must give up their seats to all the newly-drafted in members in order for the planned gerrymandering to take place effectively.
In the event there are insufficient seats to accommodate the hordes of new voters , the up-seated older members will be obliged to go home , so as not to breach any fire-safety regulations.
9. All members will be required to join in the planned impromptu an-end-AGM rounds of thanks for each committee member's hard work , dedication and graft , completely stripping from their minds the unholy mess the committee have made of things.
10. No one is permitted to talk about what happened or what was discussed at AGMs , being bound by the duty of confidentiality , recently imposed by the chairman ( Bigot-Johnson ) on all members. Any member found guilty of whistle blowing will face severe repercussions.