NEWS FLASH : SHOCKING REVELATIONS ABOUT HOWARD BIGOT-JOHNSON.....
It has come to our attention that Bigot-Johnson has over his bridge career picked up some amazing but rather dubious awards , all of which preceded his departure from the various clubs concerned. Always regarded as a " disturbed man " , loner , oddball and social misfit , Bigot was never able to throw off the shackles of being abandoned by his parents to live out a rotten , deprived and painful childhood at a local orphanage.
The most outstanding of these awards are listed as follows :
1. Sent To Coventry award for having gone a whole year in which no other club member was prepared to speak to him. This concerted effort to deliberately ostracise Bigot resulted in every one of his attempts to engage members in conversation being met by walls of silence.
2. Nigger In The Woodpile award went to Bigot for being a club member considered by many not to be the person he appears to be , once undisclosed evidence came to light revealing something about him which was highly suspicious or wrong.
3. Black Sheep award came Bigot's way soon after joining a very small friendly club with a proud " family-orientated " ethos. His diabolical table behaviour resulted in every member perceiving him to be a very bad person indeed.
4. Pariah award was handed out to Bigot as the member so utterly and totally despised by all , it was as though he was the carrier of some vile , highly infectious , deadly disease.
5. Traitor In Our Midst award quickly followed an AGM report which listed the crimes Bigot had been accused of during his time on committee : failing to toe-the-line , not doing as he was told, fraternising with the enemy and passing over secrets to them.
6. BENEATH CONTEMPT award after receiving countless nominations for being a low-life member completely undeserving of any regard or respect : a person to scorn , to disrespect, and to look down upon with disdain.