BIGOT-JOHNSON'S INVALUABLE GUIDE ON HOW NEW CHAIRMEN SHOULD GO ABOUT THEIR INAUGURAL ACCEPTANCE SPEECH.......
1. First off give a huge thanks to all the proxy voters for electing you into office along with all those present at the AGM who did as they were told.
2. Don't forget of course to thank the out-going chairman ( remembering first to remove the knife protruding from his back ) for all the good work he/she has done for the club over the preceding years..........of which so much more is still to be done ( a subtle euphemism for corrected ).
3. One last thanks to the members responsible for putting together a committee which will be singing from the same hymn sheet : one which can be easily moulded into an obedient, compliant , submissive "yes " team of robots.
4. Express how honoured you are to being entrusted with this role , and what a privilege it is to serve ( an clever euphemism for control ) the ordinary members . Moreover, you need to stress emphatically that you are not in anyone's pocket , and that everything that the committee does from now on will be open and transparent.
5. It is also a wise move to throw in a bit of light humour , without looking silly, on how you intend to clean ( another well chosen euphemism for cleanse ) the club of all elements seen as rotten and undesirable.
6. Lay out your vision for the future in terms of grand objectives and goals, as well as your understanding of your personal responsibility as chairman , never revealing the hidden agenda drawn up by the secret elite to which you now belong.
7. Finally, alert everyone about the first planned change, namely the implementation of the club's much stricter zero tolerance policy, which in your opinion has been long overdue, remembering to stress that this initiative is purely to protect ( a cunning euphemism for crucify ) members caught up in all kinds of bad behaviour both on and off the premises.