For once Bigot-Johnson managed to find a competent partner.....or so he thought. Here was someone keen to pack his convention card with all the latest and modern conventions. So umpteen were agreed upon, and the two sat down to play. However, during one rather awkward bidding sequence, Bigot made a convention bid which his partner correctly alerted. This caused a picky opponent to ask what the alert meant. Although, his partner started off quite well with an accurate defintion of the convention, his subsequent explanation rambled on without real conviction or confidence. The opponent was soon pulling out his hair in confusion and despair. And so when the bidding came round to Bigot, the opponent decided now to get to the truth ! The time had come for Bigot to answer a few questions........................
Oppo : That explanation given by your partner of your 3C bid.........was it correct ?
B-J : I don't know......you'll have to ask him.
Oppo : I need to know if any detail was missing.
B-J : Well, if there is ....he's keeping it from me too !
Oppo : But how do you know if that's the case ?
B-J : I don't...
Oppo ( getting more irritated by the minute ) : But you just said you did ......
B-J : No....I just said I didn't.
Oppo ( boiling over with utter frustration ) : What the hell are you saying ? Is he....or are you for that matter ....keeping things from me ? I still need to know how you know that you don't know that partner's explanation may not be complete ?
B-J : ( getting a tad irate himself ) : I don't know for sure if my partner has given you a full and detailed explanation to the best of his ability, because I don't know if he knows more about the convention than me. How can I know about things he knows about but I don't ?
Oppo : But did he know what I needed to know in order not to be damaged.....some vital bit of information I haven't yet been told ?
B-J : Just hold on a mo.....can I just clarify where this ridiculous conversation has got to ? You're asking me if I know what it is that I can't possible know about, being what he knows about this convention. How is it possible for me to know if my partner knows about your need to know, and therefore whether or not that he has meet it. Heaven knows what you need to know to enable him to know what to say. Surely, he can only know whether or not you you have been put in the know if he knows what your exact needs to know really are. And how can he be expected to know them ? I reached a point now of not knowing what anyone knows . In fact when it comes to this particular convention my knowledge and understanding is very limited.
Oppo : You, Bigot, are impossible.........you are your partner should not be using a convention if either of you don't know the damn thing inside out.....or are unaware that any explanation offered by one may be incorrect or incomplete. I'm now going to report you both to the TD.
B-J : You sir are a tosser !
Oppo : And you sir have made an insult which you'll undoubtedly answer for in court !
B-J : ......Bugger.....