Saturday, 31 July 2010

THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY................ ( alternative definitions )
  • Post mortem : an essential exercise in transferring blame onto others
  • Bid : something that is supposed to communicate useful information about a player's hand
  • Dingo Principle : a rule that evolved from the intensely competitive bridge arenas from down under, which promotes the dog-eat-dog attitude that " it's every bastard for himself "
  • Traveller : a tight-fisted player who always manages to negotiate free lifts off others to away matches
  • Direction : what most visiting players usually ask for on arrival when seeking urgent relief
  • Director : the very person who is best equipped to tell visitors the quickest route to the toilets. Usually referred to as the " TD ", which of course stands for toilet director.
  • Heart stopper : a term given to any comment made to a player which causes immediate panic or alarm, such as " yesterday partner, when I was with your wife, I showed her my stiff ... whereupon she immediately jumped me..... "
  • Palooka : a member of the largest fraternity within any bridge club the world over. Palookas will elevate themselves to a status or position that woefully exposes their gross limitations. Often these idiots will insist on having the last word, oblivious to the fact that everyone has left the room.
  • Bridgemate : regarded in some clubs as the ultimate offensive weapon. Its first reported use was made by a pig trader who saw it hurtle through the air towards his unsuspecting bridge partner, a split-second after the object had been snatched from his hand by an irate opponent.

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