WHAT IS THIS GAME OF BRIDGE THEN ?................... ( Article by Professor Hu Chi Ku Chi )

People who know so little about card games often ask this question, expecting of course to get a simple answer. So how does one go about defining bridge in a way that captures the very essence of the game ? Well, I've been doing a bit of Internet research and have come across quite a few useful definitions.....all of which suggest that the authors have gone about the task with a good dollop of realism and humour. Bridge therefore is simply......

• an absurd game in which players try to analyse the significance of every card played, when in fact the person who played the card more often than not picked it out at random
• an alternative to viagra, where male players look to jump their female partners at every opportunity, seeking out perfect fits, raising to the limit, and hoping to score big
• a highly ritualised and sophisticated form of non-physical violence
• a game which specialises in organised loafing
• a card game in which a good deal depends on a good deal
• violence under wraps
• a game that requires a real understanding with partner, in that if things go wrong someone has to die
• an obvious alternative to a friendly and social game of cards
• a weapon of mass distraction
• a game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband's bidding
• a test of one's skill against an opponent's luck
• a game that has been destroying marriages since 1927
• an extreme addiction, which is only curable by death
• a non-violent game played violently from within
• the ultimate adventure, for if people see it as just a game then the Grand Canyon is just a hole in the desert
• a game not at all about winning or losing, but whether you win or lose
• a game in which winning isn't everything, because what matters is the gloating and rubbing their noses in it
• an institution full of crazy people, a gravy train on which psycho-analysts and therapists can climb on board to earn a lucrative living
• illogical, in that your partner, contrary to all expectations, proves to be more of an enemy than your opponents
• an unfair game, where weak players are regularly hunted down like game
• a masturbater's paradise, given that any man with a good hand dosen't need a partner
• a game played in dins of inequity, where superior players constantly scream and rant at their inferior partners