Monday, 12 July 2010

( Up before the Sheffield Crown Court judge, Bigot-Johnson and his 3 accomplices were all facing charges, in relation to offences committed under The Countryside Protection of Wild Animals Act 1979. Bigot of course elected to represent himself, and to act on behalf of the others as their defence lawyer. A short extract from the trial's transcript can be seen below. )
Prosecution counsel ( PC ) : Jury members, these four men that stand before you in the dock are all guilty as hell of illegal coursing, hunting and poaching, not to mention trespass to land by means of forced entry.
B-J : This is proposterous......we're bloody bridge players for God's sake !
PC : Allow me to continue.....please...
B-J : If you must......
PC : So members of the jury.....I want to paint you this picture. It's a warm but misty Sunday morning....and a procession of expensive, high performance cars wends its way down a country lane en route to a day of " sport ". There's a Jaguar and Mercedes in this convoy, flanked by two rather large white Transit vans.
This is run up to a day of carnage, but not one in the traditional sense. The quarry isn't pheasant or partridge. Indeed, none of these well-off drivers are wearing red coats in the search of a fox. Instead, they are all set on invading the Walnut Tree Allotment Society BC club hut, ready to threaten anyone who tries to stop them gaining entry to the big prize money event that was scheduled to take place that day.
B-J : But what's all this got to do with the Countryside Protection of Wild Life Act ?
PC : You might well ask that question.....
B-J : please give an answer
PC : Tell me Bigot....when you go to a minor event with three hired bridge professionals simply to " poach " the prize money on do you refer to the other competitors present ?
B-J : RABBITS......of course
PC : And how do you refer to the simple task of taking these inferior players to the cleaners ?
PC : My point exactly ! You and your fellow assassins saw this sporting occasion as one of bunny bashing....a simple and straightforward rabbit hunting exercise. And because this kind of sport is strictly forbidden under current legislation, your activities can only be described as cruel and barbaric. Thankfully, we now live in an animal loving, caring and civilised society which will not tolerate this type of behaviour. Moreover, you forced your way into this event, trespassing on land in the process, as maverick pot hunters of the worst kind. And what's worst is your blood lust for inflicting pain, distress and serious injury to all those defenceless rabbits you encountered.
In addition to all this carnage.....your activities in these rural back-waters of the bridge world are responsible for driving down an already dwindling rabbit population in these areas. Membership of such buck-teeth, fluffy-tailed, big-eared losers has fallen to all time lows. Groups such as the RSPCA and The League Against Cruel Sports are up in arms over these offences..........and by uniting with these beseiged rural bridge clubs, they have managed to produce a massive dossier on all your poaching and rabbit hunting exploits.
B-J : Good grief....
PC : So what now pray is your answer Bigot Johnson to that ?
B-J : .....Bugger.......

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