Wednesday, 17 November 2010

( In an attempt to boot Bigot out, the Walnut Tree BC committee started to research into all his past misdemeanours both within the club and elsewhere. The remit also included any court actions resulting from his appalling behaviour as a bridge player, and to the committee's great joy one such case popped up. Bigot, it seemed, having been kicked out of his former club, decided to set up his own private one. However, this proved to be a short-term venture when the police moved in to close it down. Charged under The Sexual Offences Act, Bigot received a 6 month custodial sentence. Details from the trial's transcript can be seen below. )
Prosecutor : You Bigot-Johnson are charged with running a house of ill-repute
B-J : Hold on a was a bridge club for private members
P : Indeed...
B-J : To suggest what you are suggesting is an must be stark raving BONKING MAD !
P : Excellent choice of words there ...which aptly describe the kind of people who came to your club
B-J : No've got it all wrong. It's all a big mistake......a right cock up
P : Yet another apt description to describe the activities that went on inside
B-J : Oh dear.....another slip up
P : Words no doubt used by many of the punters.......but enough of all this......let's get down to the facts. So were you Bigot the sole proprietor, and acting manager, of 53 Trickett Place ?
B-J : Yes I was.....but I would like to remind the court that is was a private bridge club for top class lady players and their very wealthy male sponsors
P : So you admit to keeping and managing a place to which members resorted for practices involving the hire of pros,......practices where all sorts of dubious contracts were entered into ?
B-J : Well...if you put it like that.....then yes
P : And I take it there was more than one pro on the premises for hire ?
B-J : was a very well attended club
P : And I take it that all these pros lived off the earnings of those they had solicited ?
B-J : Yes...
P : So please tell the court....did these pros used the club premises to engage in contractual activities which involved procuring as many tricks as possible ?
B-J : It's one way at looking at what went on
P : Well, I put it to you Bigot that you are nothing more than a despicable brothel house keeper
B-J : This is can a private bridge club be anything other than a place where people come to play a game of cards ?
P : Brothels are out there in all manner of disguises. Examples include saunas, massage parlours and adult clubs. I take it your club was strictly for adults ?
B-J : Yes but.....
P : But what ?.....The fact remains that fee paying members turned up to find partners, namely pros, to engage in a whole range of seedy activities ......many of which relate to their sexual problems and hang-ups. Examples include entry and re-entry problems, what to do with unusual openings, coping with misfits, and deciding when to force or not.......
B-J : Just stop've completely got the wrong end of the stick. It was a club for people to come....
P : Exactly.......that's what I've been trying to establish
Judge : That's it.....I've heard enough.....I'm now going to direct the jury to find you guilty
B-J : But I didn't get to finish my sentence !!
Judge : Listen you scoundrel......the only sentence you'll be completing is one in Strangeways.....and if there are anymore outbursts from you, I'll have you back in here later on a contempt of court charge
B-J : Bugger me...
Judge : And where you going....there will be no shortage of takers

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