Thursday, 9 December 2010

As St.Peter gazed upon the new arrivals outside the pearly gates, he knew the time had come to let some of them in. Reading out the names of those deserving of a place in heaven, a small number of them shuffled towards the open gates. In a flash Bigot-Johnson barged and bruised his way through them in a desperate attempt to gate-crash the party. Before poor Peter realized what was happening Bigot was already inside. ready to explore the paradise that appeared before his very eyes.
Thrilled at the prospect of a life of dreams coming true, he couldn't wait to start playing bridge for what was going to be an eternity. Not only did Bigot find the streets paved with giant mosaic playing cards, but every book shop he stumbled across was dedicated to bridge literature. Even his own blog was on sale having been converted into a series of hard back copies. But more importantly for Bigot there was a swanky bridge club on every street corner open 24 hours of every day. Free membership, free sessions, professional players as stand-bys , simple systems to be used by all, handicap competitions, huge prizes, and TDs with wings...... were all on offer....and more. Could anything be better ?
Yes there was. Bigot had the opportunity to partner a doppelganger of himself. Now he could develop a partnership, where perfect understanding and harmony was possible A partnership which was firmly based on mutual respect and sycophantic love. With no need for food, sleep, work, and others to look after, this was non-stop bridge. Such unbelievable joy ! Within a matter of minutes he was inside the Genisis BC, just in time for the 5th duplicate session of the day. Opting to use the top-notch stand-by, he parked himself at nearest vacant table, and waited for his first opponents to arrive.
Then out of the blue two ethereal looking figures approached him dressed in white.......not sheets.....but white coats.
" Bigot-Johnson ....thank God you are alive " said one in a very soft and gentle voice.
" What do you mean ? " boomed Bigot, " I'm very much dead, for I remember being forcibly removed from the Slaughter House BC by my own henchmen, who were clearly threatening to kill me. "
" Good grief man......what were they saying ....? "
" Let's deal with this bastard right now.... and get him stoned! We really need to put his lights out this time for sure. "
" Listen Bigot, it was your birthday.... and yes, you were stoned. So stoned in fact, you were completely blotto. Don't you realise that for the last few hours you've been knocking at death's door, and we have just this moment managed to revive you......the nurses here have done a tremendous job. "
" Well, I'll be buggered........"

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