Wednesday, 1 December 2010

SOME OF THE DUMBEST REMARKS I HAVE EVER HEARD............ ( Article by Bridgemeister Gibson )
Having just read Judy Kay-Wolff's highly amusing article on sporting gaffs, I couldn't help but reflect on some of the comments made at my table by both inexperienced players, and those somewhat careless with words. So here a few classic one-liners, which my faltering memory can still recall......
- " I know I should alert....... but I haven't the faintest idea as to what my partner's bid means "
- " I could have made game..... if I had known we were in a suit contract "
- " Was that your Ace I just ruffed partner ? "
- " What.....your redouble was for rescue ? .........Oh dear "
- " I should have played East for the Ace of spades....because I remember now......he did bid that suit "
- " I know this sounds silly partner....but when I added your losing trick count to mine........the total seemed so I decided to pass "
- Asked by a TD whether she was aware of her own hesitation before electing to pass, the old lady replied : " I didn't know if I was quite strong enough to bid...... because with no points I always pass quickly.... "
- " Oops....sorry partner ....I didn't see that opening two club bid of yours "
- Asked by a TD to confirm a revoke had taken place, when a club had been discarded on a spade, the inexperienced but honest newcomer replied : " Yes, but that was to undo my earlier revoke, when I discarded a spade on a club...."
- Having just gone off in a grand slam, a crestfallen declarer quickly apologised : " I took your 5S bid as showing 3 Aces, but yes ... I had agreed to play roman key card blackwood...."
- " I would have insulted you again partner, but I've run out of suitable expletives "
- Asked by an opponent as to the meaning of his partner's double, the newcomer replied : " I really think it would be far more sensible if you asked him "
- Asked by his partner what was the significance behind his play ( in 3rd position ) of the 3 of spades, he received the reply : " You had no desire to win the trick ?..."
- " Listen partner....never move any of my pre-emptive know I only make them on filth "

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