Every bridge club has its quota of alpha males. Arrogant sods who expect all other members to recognise their place below them in the well established pecking order, while they sit proudly at the top expecting all the advantages and privileges with go with the territory. Just like a flock of cackling hens, the upper echelons always expect to get first dibs at the corn.
Recognising them is all too easy. The tell tale signs , of which there are many, stand out a mile. The following list is just a few I happened to note down the other day after coming across these grandees in a recent club competition. Most of them...............
- choose to partner another from their group
- tend to sprawl over their chairs, legs wide apart as if they've got two prickly pineapples for testicles
- play the cards with an air of smug superiority and casual ease
- look upon their opponents as grains of corn
- constantly chuckle at the end of each hand irrespective of the score
- treat tops as par for the course, but bottoms as " comic mishaps "
- huddle together in the bar to revel in their conquests, coups, triumphs, and winnings
- see themselves as top dogs, or as brooding panthers
- have a soft spot for the Marquis de Sade
- smile in disbelief at how other club members swallow all this crap
- believe in double standards and privileges for the chosen few
- even when they know what to bid or play go into deep thought, if only to enhance their image of having heightened brain power
- never bother to sit on committees, using instead their considerable influence to pull the strings of the puppets who they helped vote on
- only befriend ordinary members if they happen to be TDs, realising the importance of getting their co-operation and help in table disputes
- close ranks when an alpha male friend is under suspicion or threat
- only join the club to ( a) plunder competition silverware and (b) safeguard their place in the first team
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