Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Sadly, there are many players who set about first deluding themselves before attempting to delude others about their newly acquired celebrity status. Clearly there are certain requirements to fulfil if one seeks to become a bogus bridge celebrity, as indicated below :
1. When involved in any bridge discussions you must always take the lead role, displaying both majesty and aplomb when holding court
2. Never willingly mix with the riff raff preferring instead to be seen regularly laughing and guffawing with the game's elite
3. Keep drawing attention to yourself by behaving in a bold, brash and bombastic way
4. Always turn up to important venues wearing a white tuxedo and red tie
5. Re-mortgage your house to raise sufficient funds to sponsor the country's top players
6. Always maintain a correct somber but superior air should others attempt to discredit you in any way
7. View skeptically anyone that asks you awkward questions
8. You must develop the patronising art of demeaning put downs and stinging remarks , using savage humour and colourful vocabulary to amuse your audience
9. If necessary generate a few scandals about yourself to combat a flagging celebrity profile
10. Once a year forego on sponsoring a world champion by offering to play with anybody, thereby enhancing your reputation and status as " the people's player "
11. Always carry with you photographs of yourself rubbing shoulders with real bridge celebrities
12. Create your own bridge magazine ( or blog ) packing it with references to yourself, your esteemed partners, and competition hands in which you didn't drop any clangers

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