Friday, 9 September 2011

WHAT IS IT WITH SOME BEGINNERS ?........... ( Article by Dr. Sigmund T. Schukelgruber )
Some people take up bridge who really shouldn't. Even as beginners they display all the characteristics and traits of a complete numpty. These dullards seem unable to follow simple rules. In fact they are often guilty of the three biggest sins going :
1. No understanding whatsoever of the rule in question
2. Unable to fully comprehend the rule, they simply arrive at a complete misunderstanding of it
3. An ability only to take a rule literally, without applying any common sense, logic and reason
Indeed, it is the last one which causes so much hilarity, amusement and sheer disbelief at the table , as these following classic short stories clearly demonstrate. These incidents of blind allegiance to the literal interpretation of a rule have become an essential part of bridge humour.
So do you remember the story about the player who .....
- led 8 from 98 doubleton because he vaguely remembered his teacher saying " 8 ever, 9 never "
- passed on hands with 13-19 points simply because his partner told him he needed 12 to open
- led 9 from k9652 because he forgot which end to play his 4th highest from
- decided to arrange his hand ( not in suits ) but in rank order so he could easily pick out his 4th highest
- in a competitive auction catapulted his partner to the 6 level on a supporting doubleton , having been told to bid to the level of the fit ( 4 plus 2 = 6 )
- when defending against 6 NT led small from AKxx, having been told to lead 4 th highest against no trumps if there was nothing else to go on
- when defending against a 4S contract with AKQx in diamonds allowed declarer's jack of diamonds to hold , claiming afterwards that her teacher had recommended that the player in second position should always play low
- after being reprimanded by partner for passing out when holding a 5 loser hand, calmly replied " well, my 5 losers opposite your 7 sure totalled a lot of losers ! "
- when holding a 3-1-7-2 distribution bid 1H, followed by 2C, 3S and 7D, only to rigorously defend herself, claiming that her teacher had said that the aim of bidding was to show suit length and distribution

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