DR. SIGMUND T. SCHUKELGRUBER'S LATEST POETIC MASTERPIECE ENTITLED BALLAD OF A DIM MAN
( A poem dedicated to Bigot-Johnson based on the Bob Dylan classic " Ballad Of A Thin Man " )

You walk into the room
With your pencil behind your ear
Then someone shouts out loud
" Who is that idiot, dear ? "
But you don't understand 
Why they scowl and frown
Why they treat you like a fool 
As if you were a clown
( Chorus )
Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you Bigot-Johnson 

You raise up your head
To ask " What's the score ?"
So Panto points to the bridgemate
Which is lying on the floor
You then say " That's most unusual ? 
Did it fly there all on its own ? "
Clueless as to why... at you  
It has just been thrown
( Chorus )

You send your partners crazy
You make their bridge lives hell
Tales of your stupidity
Are far too many to tell
So how does it feel Bigot-Johnson
To be that useless and dim
To play the cards without thinking
To make every bid on a whim
( Chous )

Unable to make easy contracts
Against those considered as weak
The prospects of you ever winning
Remain so incredibly bleak
No one shows any respect
But that's not surprising at all
You'e regressed to being a child
Finding it difficult to even crawl
( Chorus )

So that's why so many players
Went down on their bended knees
 " Give this game up,  Bigot ......
We're begging....begging you, PLEASE ! "
But one instead stepped forward
To ask how you how it must feel
To be even more bloody useless
Than a bent and buckled wheel
( Chorus )

Yet not so very long ago
You tasted glory and fame
But early dementia then set in
Such a sad and awful shame
So when you say " What does this mean "
Well, it means you play like a rabbit
You make mistakes on every board
It's become an ingrained habit
( Chorus )

Now having become a liability
One montrous pain in the butt
The general consensus of opinion
Is that we really need to get shut
Since there happens to be no law
To stop you coming around
One solution that's crossed our minds  
Lies six foot under the ground

Now something is happening here
But you wont know what it is 
This simple squeeze around your neck 
Will fill us all with joy and bliss