Thursday, 27 November 2014


Plagued with so many slow players turning up for duplicate sessions at the Slaughter House Bridge Club , TDs were struggling to get through even 20 boards in the scheduled 3 hour slots.
Not surprisingly Chairman Bigot-Johnson decided enough was enough, and that drastic action was called for. As far as he was concerned " these buggers " needed to be savagely exposed , ridiculed and humiliated. And the way to do it was to name and shame these perennial sinners. 
Each of them would be compelled to wear a massive name tag to reflect and define the nature and extent of their slow play. Tags currently in circulation are listed below :

Mr. and Mrs Plod                        Standstill                                   Not At Home
Brain Dead                                  Inertia Man                                Mind Elsewhere
The Dullards                                Hangnail                                    Gone Walkabout
Foot Draggers                            The Laggards                           Missing Presumed dead
Huff and Puff                                Flat Tyre                                    Absent Without Leave
Motionless                                   In Shutdown                              Lost In Space
Rooted                                        The Dawdlers                           Brain On Standby
Wet Paint                                     Lobotomy Man                         Away with The Fairies
Lifeless                                        Dilly and Dally                           On Another Planet
Laid Back                                    Almost Horizontal                     In Limbo
Freeze Frame                             Comatose                                 Half Asleep
Rigor Mortis                                 Not All Here                              Fast Asleep
First Gear                                   In Neutral                                   Back In 5 Minutes
Handbrake On                             Brakes Full On                          Back In 10 Minutes
No Acceleration                           In Reverse                                 Hardly Any Pulse

And guess what ? The tagging has already produced two positive outcomes.  Many of the slow pokes immediately started to speed up their play ,  while others left the club. Happy days are back again !  


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