Monday, 17 November 2014


( Having only just secured his first trophy win in years against the little old ladies of the Walnut Tree Allotment Society BC , Bigot found himself up before a disciplinary committee to answer allegations of cheating. ) 

Chairman  ( C ) : Is it not a fact that you cheated your way to success in the club's recent Swiss Pairs event ? 
B-J : How dare you accuse me of cheating. I'll have you up in court for defamation.
C : Well , explain to the committee ......when you held the trophy up for all to see.....why you shouted out " to come first with a dunce of a partner was nothing less than a miracle ! "
B-J :  Too bloody true when you consider the the fact that my partner was a clueless wooden top with the brain power of a gnat.  This victory was against all the odds. 
C : So please correct me if I'm wrong , although the term " miracle "  has many varied definitions ,  the general consensus of opinion is that a miracle involves an act that manifests divine power through the suspension or alteration of the normal working of the laws of nature. In other words a divine intervention from God.
B-J : That seems about right
C : And let's be honest here....did you during that competition pray to God....asking for his help? 
B-J : Too bloody right I did.....all too often I was beside myself knowing how I could retrieve the situation after my partner's earlier mistakes. Appealing to God was my only hope after witnessing partner's inept and lackluster play.
C : So God really did come to the rescue ?
B-J : He must have done......because every anti-percentage bid and play of the cards came off.....I do could no wrong.....I was walking on water
C : Well , from our perspective you had God on your side ....answering your prays......handing you the ability to perform miracles at the table......all of which added up to you having an unfair advantage over all the other competitors
B-J : I guess so....
C:  Indeed , any form of outside help and assistance amounts to cheating
B-J : Oh.....
C : Consequently , we are obliged to strip you of this trophy ......and to ban you and your Holy accomplice from all future competitions in this club
B-J : Bugger....

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