NEWSFLASH : SLAUGHTER HOUSE BC CHAIRMAN , BIGOT-JOHNSON , INTRODUCES NEW TOILET RULES

With so many homosexual members demanding a review of the toilet facilities , and calling for the " cleaning up " of behaviour involving those who simply go there to off-load unwanted body fluids and matter , Bigot-Johnson felt the time had come to implement their requests.
Club toilets are to be cleaned up immediately ,  in order to ensure that any member keen to engage in sexual activity with his partner has a right to do so , never to be embarrassed or disturbed by others wanting to use the facilities for bowel or bladder relief. " The committee are firmly behind me in that there needs to be a crackdown  on this filthy habit of  bowel evacuation and floor wetting in rooms ideally suited for ordinary cottaging homosexual members to do their business. These are members who like to nip out between rounds , seeking to gel more with each other and live life to the full. 
When questioned about where members should go now to relieve themselves , Bigot was quick to point out that unlimited options were available. " They should eat and drink less before they go out ,  pay a call before they arrive at the club , try much harder to hold it in , or when the pressure becomes overwhelming  visit the pub opposite , or use the privacy of the club gardens and their own cars . However the most practical option is to wear pads at all times ,  if there's a real and unavoidable risk of being taken short. "