BIGOT-JOHNSON  v.  BROADMOOR HOSPITAL  ( MENTAL HEALTH REVIEW TRIBUNAL )  2013 

( Bigot-Johnson , having been forcibly detained under Section 2 of The Health Act for being  completely  " off his head ",  immediately initiated a challenge against the doctor's decision. Claiming his detention was both wrongful and unjustified, he set out to prove that he was a sane and sensible human being. Naturally, Bigot elected to represent himself despite alarmist advice to the contrary. ) 

Chairman of the panel ( CP) : Bigot, you have been sectioned.....quite rightly in our opinion  .....for being insane.......barking mad......out of your tree......off your trolley........totally deranged.
B-J : I object......I am as sane as the next man
Chairman : We disagree........why your behaviour as chairman of the Slaughter House BC beggars belief. Over these twelve months you have completely mismanaged the club's assets to such an extent........ that the club is on the verge of bankruptcy. One can only describe the financial decisions you made as " acts of sheer lunacy " 
B-J : Rubbish !
CP : Take for instance your decision to remove the club roof at a cost of £20,000......
B-J : Ah... that seemed at the time a sensible and rational thing to do. As you may well know....by taking a roof off a building this exempts the property from paying any council tax/rates whatsoever. This decision was going to save the club £2000 over the year.
CP : Yes....but then you had the roof replaced 6 months later........ at a cost of £45,000 !
B-J : But that was to stop the endless whinging and whining of those pathetic members who didn't like playing their bridge by moonlight.... or in the chill of the night air. 
Panelist : .....Or when they were drenched or snowed upon !
CP : But then of course you turned to log burning fires for heat, using sheet after sheet of paper money to set the logs alight.
B-J : Yes...the club had plenty of money to burn.....and so I thought why not . Banks charge you the earth for handling money.
CP : Well,  we know that £60,000 of club money disappeared up in smoke...... when fire-lighters would have seemed a much more cost-effective option at around £3.50 a packet.
B-J : Ah, but you're forgetting how much I managed to save the club on gas and electricity  bills.....around £150 a month....at least
CP : Bigot.....you are truly incorrigible.......so please explain to the panel why you decided to cancel the club's property and contents insurance ?
B-J : It was always money going out for no apparent benefit. In 20 years the club only once put in a claim......and that was rejected as falling outside the terms of the policy
CP : Yes....that was the case, but then one of your log fires got out of control and set the building alight. The fire was so intense it took three fire engines to get it under control. And with no insurance cover the club had to stump up £80,000 for rebuilding and restoration work.
B-J : That fire was just bad luck....nevertheless,  every decision I took was designed to save the club £'000s on its yearly operational costs
CP : Yet the flip-side to that of course were the massive and grotesque one-off payments of  £20,000, £45,000, £ 60,000  and £80,000. These figures demonstrate beyond all reasonable doubt that you are insane.
B-J : Not so.....you see, I cleverly persuaded all the club members to contribute generously to the club's new and exciting Restoration and Redevelopment Fund, on the pretext that this money would give them a share in the ownership of the property.....and any of its future profits.
CP : And did they fall for this scam ?
B-J : Indeed, they did.....hook,line and sinker ! Like shooting fish in a barrel...
CP : Then , it appears that it is they who are bonkers, and that you by comparison have retained quite a few of your marbles. Consequently, we feel obliged to allow your application for immediately release.....and you are therefore free to leave the premises.
B-J : Thank the Lord God for that....now I can get back to the club and implement a brilliant idea .......given to me by my best friend.......... for cutting back on yet another unnecessary club expense 
CP : And who is your best friend ?
B-J : The King of the Potato People of course !
CP : So please enlighten us.....what is the idea ?
B-J : To swop the club's newly purchased, highly valuable office equipment, furniture and fittings for utterly worthless tat......this way the club wont have too incur any annual depreciation charges at all......brilliant eh ?
CP : I think we may have made a mistake over you.....
B-J: Too late.....I'm off and away,  you buggers......byeee