LAW REPORT : DONCASTER COUNTY COUNCIL  (ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION DEPT) v. BIGOT-JOHNSON & OTHERS 2013

Bigot-Johnson, maverick chairman and owner of the Slaughter House Bridge Club, had for several months binned letters from the local council.....all unopened. Most of them were litter abatement notices from the EPD, which required the manager and/or owner of the club to clear the land of litter and refuse. Prohibitions were then sent later to stop members in the future from defacing the property with litter. Bigot of course elected to represent himself, and the other committee members. A short extract from the trial's transcript appears below.

Prosecutor ( P ) : Bigot.....you are charged with contravention of section 92 of the Environmental Protection Act
B-J : Never heard of such an Act......or what it says........ I run a private members club, and as far as I know I can do what I like on my own land 
P : No so....where litter is concerned. Your club falls under the jurisdiction of the Act because it has the status of being an educational institution, given the dozens of rip-off bridge classes you run for personal profit and gain. But what is most shocking is the amount of paper litter strewn all over the club's expansive gardens, making the property a haven for rats and vermin
B-J : What litter ?.................And I can't help it if members of my club spend all their time scurrying about in dark corners
P : Well, your premises has been under observation for several months, and it's common practice for players, when they leave the building, to rip up their score cards in utter disgust, scattering the pieces everywhere
B-J : Too bloody right they do.....who in their right minds would want to leave evidence lying around about their complete inadequacy and ineptitude at the game.....just for others to read and have a jolly good laugh  
P : Then why don't you provide bins inside the club ?
B-J : We do.....but they're all full to the brim with nasty letters of complaint about me, and the shenanigans of the committee  ......Anyway, since members are told not to discard remnants of their miserable scorecards on the floor.......they simply do the business outside
P : So why not provide them with bins outside the building ?
B-J: We would do if it wasn't for the fact that members would nick'em to use as garden plant pots
P : Well, whatever limp excuses you come up with they will be to no avail. Creating litter is a strict liability crime, and by ignoring these abatement and prohibition notices you have rendered yourself..... in the eyes of the law......... a complete tearaway and rogue
B-J : Oh.....but how was I to know what was in these letters ?
P : By slitting them open....
B-J : If only I had the time.....I'm far too busy shredding incriminating documents about what I and committee members get up to 
P : My God !
B-J : My God indeed.....I need to split.....I'm down to play in this afternoon's duplicate against a load of bunnies and numpties
Judge : Yes....of course you can go......but only after parting with £5000 to pay for the fine I'm about to impose upon you
B-J : Bugger.....