THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY  REVISITED.........

• Happiness : an agreeable sensation arising from heaping more and more misery upon hapless opponents 
• Inflated ego : the stereotypical characteristic of most club players who annoyingly perceive themselves as accomplished players 
• Super ( inflated ) ego : an advanced state of selfhood reached only by those players, who attain a ranking which is far and above their level of ability 
• Complainants : players who take extreme umbrage when told a few home truths about themselves by others at the table
• Re-enactment : a re-run of an unpleasant incident which allows the alleged offender a second opportunity to inflict even greater damage ( or injury ) to the unfortunate victim  
• Disciplinary panel : members of the club, seemingly selected for their objectivity and impartiality, who conduct a hearing with a sentence in mind before any verdict is made    
• Disciplinary hearing : a well chosen euphemism for a rubber stamp exercise and/or hatchet job
• Afternoon duplicates : weekly club events where the standard of bridge matches the frailty and disability of those who attend 
• Woodentop : an alternative choice of reference for a player usually described as " a plank "
• Acol : a loose and undisciplined system of bidding, which imparts vague information about one's hand, where run-of-the-mill players end up relying on inspired guesswork or wild punts to reach high level contracts