REBECCA ROOD'S MAILBAG........................ Just recently I have had many letters and e-mails from concerned club officials, who fear that many newcomers are completely over-awed by their initial introduction into the world of duplicate bridge. Each one tells of a friend, who has developed a growing inferior complex from regularly seeing how badly his/her game is..... when compared to partner's. Such is the extent of their psychological damage, nearly all have come to believe that they are utterly useless at the game ( when in fact that is not the case ). With so many so ready to give up bridge so soon, club officials have become extremely worried. Clearly, the problem is more widespread than I had imagined. In every club there must be dozens of new players whose fragile confidence is being mercilessly eroded by superior players, who inadvertently expose all their short-comings and failings. Well, I have been asked for advice...and now it's time to put my reputation on the line................................................. Over the last few weeks, I have been scouring the country to find band 6 players who have always been completely hopeless at the game, but conversely through their blind arrogance, self-delusion and denial believe that they are experts. In essence we are talking about players who are clueless to the point of embarrassment, but display all the airs and graces of international grandmasters. Using the pretext of recruiting " professional mentors to help bring on up-and-coming players with tact and discretion "......I had no problem persuading hundreds of these people to sign up onto my books, such was their gullibility and outrageous vanity. Now, if anyone out there really wants to help someone who has developed this debilitating inferiority complex, then you must book one of my "so-called " professional mentors to play with these damaged newcomers. Then their journey on that road to recovery and self-belief will quickly get underway. Moreover, under the contract they have with me, these pseudo experts will only get training with regards to treating their needy partners with complete respect and extreme politeness. So by contracting my office, you can book one for just a single session, or better still regular weekly/monthly arrangements. This service guarantees discretion, so your involvement will of course remain secret. These professional mentors will of course believe they are being selected for their expertise, and will be more than happy to help bring on less able individuals up to their standards ( joke ) . However, because they are the ones who are so inferior at the game, the newcomers in crisis will be pleasantly surprised to see mistakes being made by these mentors, revelling in the knowledge that their game is so much better in comparison. Feeding these newcomers with great big dollops of "superiority-inducing" medicine will work wonders. At no time, will the professional mentors be allowed to develop their bridge competence. This ensures that it takes only a few hands for the newcomers to dispel any lingering inhibitions they had about themselves . The recovering newcomers will of course be disappointed with the inevitable poor results that come their way, but they will feel so much better about themselves when they know their game is now so much stronger than their supposedly more illustrious partners. However, as soon as the old inferior complex makes way for an unshakeable belief that they are infact better players than they first thought, the bookings should be cancelled immediately. So don't delay any longer, call in my cavalry.............Rebecca Rood.