BRIDGE LESSONS....................................( By Johnny Supremo )

Sadly, the bridge world is full of people who claim they know better. They will be keen to point out,....at every opportunity..... the errors of your way. So dealing with criticism is something you have to learn, and then master. So please take note of the following two lessons:

• Lesson 3 : Dealing with constructive criticism. As a newcomer to duplicate and/or tournament bridge, you are now amongst players who always find it hard to tolerate partner's mistakes. They will feel duty bound to point out your errors, often in a manner of a school-teacher. Comments are usually in the form of constructive advice, tips and helpful explanations, but the aim is purely to "correct" and "educate" you. What you have to learn here is that this form of criticism is not about "knocking you", it is more about "knocking you into shape". Often the comments will be very helpful and supportive, and many will be worth hearing and taking on board. So learn to welcome this type of criticism rather than fear it.
• Lesson 4 : Dealing with criticism over-load and destructive criticsm. Sadly, some of your partners ( or even opponents ) will have a tendency to make rude and offensive remarks. Some will merely berate the limpness of your bidding and play, while other comments will be much more personal. Their critical remarks will offer very little in the way of value. They are only dished out so they can unload all their negative emotions......their impatience, frustration and anger. The fact that it is all counter-productive means nothing to them. They are in essence the bridge bullies. What you need to learn here is how to cope in such situations, where the degree or the nature of the criticism is unacceptable. There are 3 strategies you might like to consider:
• (i) Absorption: This all about developing a sponge-like head, along with some thick skin. If any destructive criticism gets through this first line of defence, your mind is prepared and ready to soak it all up, without incurring any psychological damage or pain. You need to adopt a philosophical perspective that "the things that are being said are rantings of a deranged and damaged individual, who needs to be sectioned ". Look upon the bully as a prat, who has now played his/her last game with you.
• (ii) Deflection : It may be possible to deflect unwanted and unnecessary criticism by getting in a quick apology, showing loads of empathy for their upset feelings......not to mention tons of remorse for the your sins . Acknowledge where you went wrong, and how stupid you were. This way you are bound to steal their thunder. In some situations, where blame for a disaster can be apportioned, the best form of defence can be attack. Suggest that it was perhaps their errors that were indirectly responsible for yours. If, for instance, partner crimes you for leading K from Kx into dummy's Ace ( while the queen is sitting in declarer's hand ! ), point out in an assertive manner....that bidding that suit twice on 5-to-the-jack was the far bigger crime.
• (iii) Rejection : This involves standing your ground and not allowing the bully to make or get away with such unpleasnt remarks and/or behaviour. Tell them at the first opportunity that destructive comments or criticisms are not welcome or appreciated. Insist that they keep their mouth shut and their negative emotions under control. Suggest to them, that the end of the session is the right time for them to offer some useful observations and guidance....... stressing as well, that it is essential for you remain unflustered, and to have a clear head, if disasters on the next hand are to be avoided. If all else fails call the TD to lodge a formal complaint , knowing that there will be no shortage of witnesses . This may well have a sobering effect on your bullying partner, especially if the club is committed to up-holding its zero-tolerance policy against bad behaviour.