THE TEACHINGS OF HOWARD BIGOT-JOHNSON......................... Please ignore all the earlier crap spewed out by that so called upstart Johnny Somebody. I am the man you bridge players new and old need to listen to. So let's kick off with the 4 rules you really need to follow, if you really want to get somewhere in the world of bridge.

• Rule 1: Decide which bridge rules you intend to follow, as opposed to those you don't
• Rule 2 : Of those rules you intend to follow, this rule simply states that " they need not be followed at all times"
• Rule 3 : As to the few occasions you still decide to follow these bridge rules ( without enacting rule 2 above ) this particular rule states that " you can always retrospectively change your mind "
• Rule 4 : And on the extremely rare occasions you still continue to abide by your original selection ( without choosing to enact rules 2/3 above ), then this final rule states quite categorically that " if no benefit comes from this blind obedience to these self-imposed bridge rules............you are at liberty not to do the same again "