Sunday, 11 October 2009
DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES.......................... The other day a new patient of mine came into my surgery with a most unusual physiological abnormality. He had a rather long, slender, giraffe-like neck. And this was inextricably linked to the more serious problem of his OCD. This man had an excessive compulsion to cheat at bridge. The irresistible urge to use the advantage of his long neck, to sneakily peek at his opponents' cards, was causing other players to treat him like an outcast.....a pariah within their midst. This man had in fact CRANE'S SYNDROME. Indeed, this disorder was first reported, when a Dorset doctor (of all people) was caught cheating at his local club......but only after having stretched his neck so far over, it completely seized up in that position. In a desperate attempt to straighten his neck, his embarrassed partner tragically failed to realise his own strength...... in that he only succeeded in breaking it several times over. Since then other victims, who also found themselves with seized necks protruding out at 45% angles, all had the good sense to seek corrective surgery. This of course was always followed up by the compulsory wearing of neck collars. Those who suffer from milder symptoms often complain about a "pain in the neck" after long bridge sessions. As it so happens, these are the exact words that other club members often use to describe such abominable people.